Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Today we switched places.

Tom and I switched drop off / pick up today with the kids. (weird that I can't say "girls" anymore, which I always said.)

I went straight to karl's room today due to the horrible baby news from the past week. My heart cracked wide open when I picked him up and hugged and kissed him. It's broken for what I have and those other mommy's don't have today. And how that could change any second. It's terrifying.

I've been around the blogworld and message board world for a long time - well over 6 years. I've seen a lot of tragic loss. But today's news of Thalon's death rocked my boat big time. I never read her blog until today and I really don't even know what he died from. I went and read a bunch of her previous posts and couldn't make it past too many after seeing pictures of such a healthy boy and just "normal" day to day postings. And then I saw a picture of that beautiful boy wearing the exact jammies which are one of my top 2 favorites of karl's.

I have never cried over a "stranger" more than I did today. I've cried lots of times, but this time, well, it was different to me. Like I was looking at my own son's mortality.

I am so very sorry for any family who has to go through something of this nature. A child's death. A pregnancy loss. Sickness. Jesus, anything at all that isn't perfectly a picture perfect day for their child (or soon to be).

I just can't fathom their pain. And I hope that in time, they can begin to heal. Their loss will NEVER be "okay". But I just hope they can all smile again in time.


The Captain's Wife said...

now I know what you meant...scratch my email. ((Hugs))

the mol said...

My heart breaks for them. I'm not usually one to cry, and I didn't, but it's sad....and mysterious. It didn't even seem like they saw it coming.

Perhaps, when she is ready, she will share more details. Or perhaps not.

Unfortunately, in the internet circles in which I run, I hear about losing children way too often.

We'll all hug our little ones a little tighter tonight.

Beautiful Mess said...

Awww hon! You gave me chills. I picked up my "baby" from school today and just stared at him. He would've been horrified if I kissed and hugged him in front of all his friends, but I couldn't look at him enough today. I did the same thing when I looked at her blog. I read and then had to stop, it was too "normal" and then BAM the baby is gone. My chest hurts, I can't even believe it.

Sarah R said...

I know. I kept looking at that beautiful baby, who sort-of resembled Andrew at the same age, and my heart just broke. He looked perfectly healthy. He was beautiful. I cannot even fathom, and I have always said I would have a nervous breakdown if I ever had to endure something like that.

I cry whenever I read about bad things happening to children, particularly babies.

Life is so incredibly fragile, and I realize how lucky I am to have my little dragon.

*hugs to you, Nancy*

Heather said...

You know, I haven't even cried *yet* because I find these two losses so unspeakably tragic. I get the sense that neither couple saw it coming at all, even though Maddie was a preemie and had health issues in the beginning. I know that their deaths will hit me hard when I'm not expecting it, probably within the next week or so. I'm not a mom (yet), but I do spend quite a bit of time with my cousin who is a new mom of a 10 week old baby girl...I don't know what any of us would do if we lost her. I can only imagine their pain.

Heather said...

PS--What was the "sentence from one of their blogs that will haunt you forever and ever"?
Oh, and did you read Mike's tribute to Maddie on his blog? So beautiful and heartbreaking, all at the same time. Heather's was, too...my heart just breaks for them.

serenity said...

I just can't comprehend it. Can't fathom any of it.

JamieD said...

My heart is breaking for them as well.

Every day I think more and more about how it is going to be impossible to protect my baby from everything no matter how hard I try.

Old Mom New Baby said...

I'm speachless over the losses I read about yesterday.
One of the hardest things for me with having a new baby is the worry and nightmares I have about losing them. Yesterday was just too real for someone and my heart is so broken for them. You said it in your post yesterday, the words spoke will haunt me forever.

nancy said...

Heather - this was her post: "finding my baby dead is something i'll never be able to get over."

Heather said...

Wow, Nancy, I agree...the words "baby" and "dead" should never have to share space in the same sentence. Thanks for sharing.

mommybird said...

I am heart broken for them. I had to go hug my babies too after reading. Everything was so normal then it just slipped away. I can't even imagine how difficult that is.

Jennifer said...

I feel the same way! I read it the other day and I can't quit thinking about it and I'm still upset about it. I read a little more on Maddie and she was born a month after my daughter and has the most beautiful blue eyes! She was actually born on the same exact day that my niece was born. I've got a knot in my stomach again as I write this and think of my DD.

Both seemed to be living the happy life with their babies and one event and they are gone. I'm going to go play and hug and kiss my DD!

Larissa said...

My heart broke after reading that sad news about Thalon and Maddie. It's so tragic, it's almost hard to understand something like that happens. I cried so much after reading the dedication to Maddie and hugged my little one all day. It's so so so scary how drastic things can change in a instant. So scary.