My kids.

They are so awesome. While I've been laid up due to my recovery with Egg Retrieval, I've spent a lot of time just observing them. And it's been great. They love each other so much. Allison has dropped the word "Ella" in place of "Sister". It's really cute. I'm so glad they have one another.

They also help me know I'm doing the right thing. That all this pain from ER was worth it. That waiting for when my lining is perfect is worth it. The mod squad could contain another one of these beings and I just can't chance it.

I always try to explain how if I would have gotten pregnant under the 18 months it took for Ella, I wouldn't of had Ella. Which would have put me on a different schedule and I wouldn't of had Allison either. I'd have one or two other children I would obviously love just as much, but they wouldn't be Ella and Allison. They represent my heart outside of my body. So all I can do is wait. Wait for the perfect moment.

Allison is a nudist.

I put her to bed fully clothed and then when I go in to put Ella to bed 15 minutes later, Allie is in bed, totally naked.

Last night when I put her to bed, I asked her if she wanted help to take off her shirt, since it has buttons too small for her to work. She looked at me like "really? You'll ~help~ me get naked?". I then explained to her I don't mind at all if she wants to sleep naked. I told her whatever makes her comfortable, she is free to do.

She was SO excited. She ripped off her pants and then said "My panties too??". I said "sure!" and she literally squealed in delight.

Funny. It's the little things, right?

Another Ella-ism.

I've been neglecting this blog for a few days. Wow.

Kids have been sick for the past week and just have been generally grumpy. Plus, I've been spending 24x7 with them, so haven't been blogging much about there daily doldrums. And really, who wants to see pictures of their runny noses and watering eyes?

By the way - I totally got karma'd with the kids being sick. Just like 2 weeks ago, I was bragging that my kids haven't been sick all season. Awesome. Thanks karma.

Today was bath time. Ella opted for a shower though, so I got her started in my bathroom while I was in the bathroom with Allie for her bath. Just playing around, I "accidentally" (on purpose) slipped into the bathtub with my clothes on - just for a laugh. Except Allie wasn't pleased. She rarely gets a bath all by herself and wanted me out. Promptly. So I get out and after I get Allie dried off, I go to get Ella out of the shower (who had to be pried out. She loves showers.).

I tell Ella "Mommy fell into the bathtub with all her clothes on!"

Ella replied "Oh Mommy, that's no bueno!"

That's my girl.

What in the heck am I doing?

Sorry for the radio silence on my end of this blog. I'm in the midst of my IVF cycle, which I'm sure you already know, and work is kicking my ass. blah blah blah. I'm sure you all know the "i'm so busy" drill.

Right now I'm sitting in my home office watching the "injection training" video my IVF nurse instructed me to watch. In fact, she asked me to watch it "3 times" before my appointment tomorrow. So far, I'm not too sure why in the world I'm having to watch it now, as I've already been doing my own injections - including mixing. I've done both SQ and IM shots, so we'll see what's new. (update: nothing at all is new. Except the concept of the woman sitting/laying on the bed while the husband did all her meds and injections. ~That~ would be new to me.)

The kids have been "fighting" a little bit more lately. I don't know what it is - maybe it's the end of winter, maybe it's the hormones. Whatever it is, I seem to be on edge with them constantly. Always pushing each other just over the edge - always pushing me just to my edge. It's kind of humorous actually. I'm doing all I can to give them a sibling and they are doing everything they can to push the one they have now. It makes my head spin thinking of adding another to the brood. I am constantly asking myself "What in the hell am I doing?". Can I really handle another one? Will I be making their situation worse? Am I capable of giving another whole heart to another child?

My girls are good girls though. The "fighting" they are doing is nothing over the limits of normal 2 and 3 year olds. Most of it is "it's mine!" and "I want to do it" type stuff. And the good moments far outweigh all of the bad ones. I guess I'm just a little worried now that I'm where I'm at. There is nothing more I want to do than to give my girls the very best lives I can. I'm not saying I want to make it easy for them - as I honestly believe getting everything they want is not in their best interest. But I don't want to take anything away from them - namely my time nor love. I know I'm capable of loving another. And I know I'm capable of making more time in my crazy world. I can't help but be a little timid. My girls are my everything.

"Allison, where are your clothes?"

Me: "Allison, where are you clothes?"
Allie: "In the living room silly goose!"
Me: "Why are they in the living room?"
Allie (with a very "duh mom" look): "Because I want to be naked."

ah. duh.

Mommy is not a rock star.

I am ~so sore~ from playing guitar hero. My right calf (the calf I stand on In "rock star stance") is unbelievably sore.

I am such a dork.

Mommy is a guitar hero.

I had a weekend of shopping and picked up Guitar Hero for my husband's playstation 3.

I ~love~ the game. Love it.

The kids are fascinated at watching me rock out. I'm a bad ass.