Saturday, July 24, 2010

I fought the law and the law won.

I've been thinking a lot about my ttc experiences since I wrote the post about it in my other blog.

I was mulling over what I said about liking my ivf/fet cycles. It sounds to me now I was saying I liked one bfp more than the others. I didn't mean for it to sound that way. I just meant I'm glad I experienced so much. Hell yeah I'm happy about getting a cycle #1 bfp! I'm just also happy I also fought (and won) some hard core bfps.

Without my IF, I would of never learned of this awesome community. First the ttc aspect, then the pregnancy and parenting blogs also. Parenting after infertility is way different then the "normal" parenting blogs. Not than any is better than another, its just that in happy to be a part of where I am now. We're bad ass parents!

Ask me seven years ago if I'd be explaining how I'm happy I wasn't fertile. I'd of probably be daydreaming of punching you in the face. I'm just so different now. It took a hard fight and some fabulous wins, but I'm thrilled I'm not fertile. Without my ttc battles, I wouldn't be the person I am now. And I like myself quite a bit! ~wink~

My infertility journey really showed what I was willing to go through to fill those empty seats at the dinner table. None of my babies were wanted more or less than the others. Just because I didn't "do" anything to get Allison, doesn't mean I wanted her less. But enduring surgeries, ivf, fet, injections, medications, monkey wands, hsgs, hsss, iuis and a shitload of other things including some substantial debt, just proves what I was willing to do to succeed.

I'd do everything again and again to get each of my children. knowing the feeling of succeeding, I know now every single thing I did was worth it. I would have done a lot more if I hadn't won yet. I'm glad I know that there was never a line of "too much" for me. I read about women not knowing when too much is enough. That's a question I'm glad I never had to come to. For ~me~, I think the question of too much would be age. Its an answer that is different with each woman and I had my cutoff age. But as far as surgeries, medications, procedures, etc, there was never too much. I'm glad I knew that.

Do you have knowledge of your own "when is enough too much?" answer?
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry


jenn said...

Ha- I literally just commented about punching on the other post!

We definitely had our limit- it was purely financial and even now we know that we can't go through any treatment again. At least not anytime in the next 5 years unless things drastically change. So I know we were extremely lucky to have our 'hail mary' iui work. I also know that unless I become the mysterious urban legend 'fertile after IF/pregnancy' we all hear about (and know of from experience!) I doubt there will be a sibling for pumpkin. And that is ok. Our seat at the table has always been a single- the second high chair would be a bonus surprise!

Erin said...

Hey Nancy -
I think I hit my limit knowing what happened with my last effort, after mc, difficulty getting a bfp after that, plus the DVT (add in multiple daily injections), and the internal bleeding after delivery (that went unnoticed) that almost resulted in my death. I always wanted more than one but now I don't think my little man will have siblings. I can't risk leaving him or my husband without a mother/wife. My husband is devastated there will be no more children - I wouldn't be surprised if it lead to divorce down the road, but right now and most likely ever, I hit my limit. Karl is too cute!

Elana said...

I had no personal limit--my age probably wasn't going to turn into an issue for us, finances weren't an issue because we live in Massachusetts, and I would've done anything to my body for a baby. Where I did have a limit was on using a donor, surrogate or adopting. In Orthodox Judaism there are some pretty strict laws on all three, and it's basically just not allowed. Judaism aside, I also really wanted my own biological child, and I'm deliriously happy that I never even had to think about donors or other such things...even though it wouldn't have made a difference at the bottom line. If I had been told after the twins that I wasn't allowed to have any more kids (or couldn't) I would have been devastated, but I still don't think I would've considered other options. I feel damned lucky to have them, and I am even luckier to be pregnant now.

Robin said...

I have been discussing this on my own blog. We're about to try IVF. DH wants to do one fresh, one frozen if we have any to freeze, and then move on. I'm terrified because I feel like one fresh shot isn't enough. He thinks we're "chasing the dream" (because of money issues). I know that I'm definitely not going to be done if this doesn't work, but I'm afraid he will be. ugh ugh

Kristin said...

I think our limit is age and we are teetering might close to that line of ENOUGH. I don't want to think that but I am 40 and my hubby is almost 51. If it hadn't taken so many years to have our 3, then we would probably have had one more. I just don't know if it's in the cards for us even though I'd love another baby.