Sunday, January 27, 2008
Then we got started on the snowman. Allie was into helping, Ella had no interest:
Allie lost interest too, but I finished him up, complete with a cold kiss:
Later was bathtime, to warm up those fingers and toes:
I bought the girls a "summer dress" for the upcoming season. But my girls ~love~ dresses (no idea where they got that from) and I let them try them on. I practically had to pin them down to get them off later!
In the same shipment as the summer dresses, I bought these skirts. I don't know what they are called. They aren't really tutus, are they? Anywho - they love them. They want to wear them all the time and I let them. They've worn them to school, to the store, to gymnastics class, everywhere. You should see them in movement. They bounce up and down each time they move. Overwhelmingly cute.
And of course, showing off their sisterly love.
Friday, January 25, 2008
I received a comment that was totally understandable from someone who isn't a secondary IFer. And when I re-read my post, I could see how someone who wasn't fighting for a larger family could read it in a different light.
When I say my girls are "not enough", I do ~not~ mean that they don't fill up my heart the very brim everyday. As my children, they are enough. They are simply everything to me. I never ever look at them and think "eh, too bad you don't have a sibling, cause then I'd feel complete." No way! That's definitely not what I'm feeling nor what I meant by "they aren't enough".
They aren't enough to keep me from wanting more. Having these two beautiful little girls makes me want to fill the space even more. But just because I want another child, definitely doesn't mean I love what I have any less. On the contrary. Having 18 more children wouldn't make me love these girls any more or less. They fulfill my life more than I could have every imagined. I am so blessed and so lucky and so incredibly happy that I have these girls. As I type this, I look at their pictures that fill my office space and they make my heart soar.
If I never end up having another, I will only mourn for the child I had yearned for. I will not have to turn to what I have now and say "well, you guys will have to do" because they already are my everything. I simply wanted another one. And these two, perfect little beings, didn't take away my wanting to finish my family.
For anyone out there not struggling with secondary infertility - or for anyone out their not wanting a second (or more) child, please know that our want of another child doesn't mean the child(ren) we have are not enough.
My girls ~ARE~ enough.
They just don't keep me from wanting what I see as a hole in my family. And only in that very specific aspect, they aren't enough to tell my heart I shouldn't want more. I yearn for the next as much as I yearned for my first.
Monday, January 21, 2008
In the big infertility blogosphere, there are many of us. Many are struggling with primary infertility. Having been there myself, I feel that I can speak to it and even compare it to what I'm going through now: Secondary infertility.
Although I don't want to have any sort of debate on which is worse, because, as Mel put it just today, "we each have our own unique suckage and my suckage doesn't detract from the gravity of your suckage". But I did have to touch on it a bit to be able to talk about what I want to talk about.
Primary infertility sucks in a way that's unique to secondary. Primary infertiles don't yet know if they'll ever become a mother and that's pretty damned scary. Secondary infertiles have already had a taste of what it's like, so the idea of not being able to succeed again is torturous. There are other aspects of each that are particular to each situation also. How each type lives outside of IF is very important to how the IF is dealt with itself. Primaries can go to bed and sleep away their troubles. Or they can go out with their husbands and get away from home. They can then sleep in the next day, sleep until their minds and bodies snap them out of bed. Secondaries have a child or children already, so our daily tasks remain pretty much the same. But we can immerse ourselves in our children's love and kisses on a bad day. Which leads me to what I want to talk about.
When I was a primary infertile, I didn't, well, I couldn't understand the secondary infertile. I couldn't understand how in the world a secondary infertile could feel as disappointed as I felt at the time. After a BFN, I would sit and cry in an empty house while a secondary infertile could go hug their children. It seemed absurd that those children wouldn't make it "all better" in a matter of a moment. Weren't their children enough?
As a secondary infertile, I can't answer that question. Why aren't they enough? I wrestle with this on each failed cycle. On each month that ends in disappointment. Although I do hug them and kiss them when I'm feeling down, they don't take away the pain of the infertility. They make me feel better, yes. But in a way that my husband taking me out to a movie and some drinks made me feel better when I was a primary infertile. They are a good distraction, but not a fix.
I look at my grown babies - mere children. Ella is almost 4 and Allison is 2 and a half. While I love these children to pieces, they aren't what I am trying for. I have children, but I'm trying to get pregnant and have a baby. It's like the two don't even have anything to do with one another. And that sounds ridiculous. I've thought long and hard to make sure it wasn't just that I wanted the novelty of being pregnant and having a newborn to oooo and ahhhh over. I want to add to my family. And the little newborn I crave will grow into one of these older children. That is what I want to end up with. But it's not what I'm trying for now.
This has been a huge deal for my brain for the past few months. Really, it was ever since Farah had asked me months ago, in response to my own Primary vs Secondary blog posting, ~ "Isn't one enough?" and poured out some very raw feelings about how she was "angry and uncompassionate and quite judging about this so called secondary infertility". Farah's response was written in good faith, as she was trying to understand the aspect of it all herself. It just brought up all the things that us secondary IFers cringe to. I commend her for at least being true to her own feelings on the subject.
That discussion and all the comments that came with it hurt my heart pretty deeply and has never left my head. And I don't "fault" her for her feelings at all. At the time, she was in the trenches of primary infertility and hopefully she will never ever face secondary. Hopefully when she tries again, she'll get pregnant in the "normal" amount of time. I had the same hopes for myself. When I was surprised out of my gourd when I became pregnant after only one try for #2, I was beside myself. I has assumed that after dealing with primary IF, I would, without question, have secondary IF. But I dodged it. Then, after the customary 12 months of ttc #3, I had to face facts. I wasn't dodging a bullet this time. A year into ttc#3, I had Secondary IF.
I think many secondary infertiles are sensitive on this subject. I think that is why I probably spent so much time thinking about the comments given to me regarding my views of secondary vs primary infertility and the other blog posts that were spawned. Again, using Mel's words from today "don't we live in a world where we can all recognize that we each have our own unique suckage and my suckage doesn't detract from the gravity of your suckage? Can we not engage in comparative suckage? I will recognize yours if you will recognize mine."
Through all of the recognizing of suckage, I still grapple with that one question. "Why aren't they enough?" And all I can say, through my broken heart and tears, is they aren't enough. I wish they were.
The girls weren't being the best kids and it was only a second later when I heard "Mommy! Allison spit at me!" I was so flustered and panicked over my lost wallet, that I said back to her "Then spit back at her!"
Without a second to think about it, Ella promptly spit in Allison's face.
Oh goodness. I didn't think she'd actually do it! In the moment, I didn't know what I expected, but I didn't think that would happen. The record store guy started cracking up as I tried to calm down the newly spat upon child.
I'm sure that guy told everyone what a fabulous mother I was.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
$16,000 (and some change).
gulp. Excuse me while I throw up.
See, our daycare is for hospital and city employees. They get a HUGE discount. They opened their doors for a short time frame to general public and I got in. 2 year wait list now. So good thing, eh?
Anywho, I don't get the discount. There are families there with more than 2 in full time care. (I only have them in for 8 hrs/day). There are families with children in class longer than my own (you pay hourly).
So being public pay AND having two kids AND having them in for 8 hours/day (they have morning time and breakfast with me. I drop them off at 9am and then hubby picks them up at 5pm) makes ME the WINNER of the MOST paid.
$16,000. Holy shit.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Friday, January 11, 2008
I've just never been asked that one before and it took me by surprise!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
This list is very interesting to me, but I'm sure boring to anyone who doesn't have a child in the 24-36 month age group. I'm writing down the list they gave me in case anyone else wants to see the skills you should look for in a child in this age group. I thought it especially pertinent due to the daycare vs stay at home mom discussion we just had here. If I was a stay at home mom, I don't know how I would get information like this, so just in case, I wanted to share. Who knows, if I was a stay at home mom, maybe this would all be stuff I would seek out and research. But since it doesn't apply to me, I have never even considered the fact this information existed.
I took the list seriously, as I tested her on each and every task. Coming up with some of them took a little creative thinking, but we got through it. I hope you find it just as interesting as I did! I am not sharing for any other reason than to do just that - share. Forgive my ignorance if everyone already has this information and it's just new to me.
~ climbs well
~ walks down stairs alone, placing both feet on each step
~ walks up stairs, alternating feet with support
~ swings leg to kick ball
~ runs easily
~ pedals tricycle
~ bends over easily without falling
Hand and Finger Skills
~ makes vertical, horizontal, circular strokes w/ pencil or crayon
~ turns books pages one at a time
~ builds a tower of more than 6 blocks
~ holds a pencil in writing position
~ screws and unscrews jar lids
~ turns rotating handles
~ recognizes and identifies almost all common objects and pictures
~ understands most sentences
~ understands physical relationships (on, in, under)
~ can say name, age and gender
~ uses pronouns (I, you, me, we, they)
~ strangers can understand most of their words
~ makes mechanical toys work
~ matches an object in hand or room to a picture in a book
~ plays make believe with dolls, animals and people
~ sorts objects by color
~ completes puzzles with 3 or 4 pieces
~ understands concept of "two"
~ separates easily from parents
~ expresses a wise range of emotions
~ objects to major changes in routine
Developmental Red Flags
~ frequent falling and difficulty with stairs
~ persistent drooling or very unclear speech
~ inability to build a tower of more than 4 blocks
~ difficulty manipulating small objects
~ inability to copy a circle by age 3
~ no involvement in pretend play
~ failure to understand simple instructions
~ little interest in other children
~ extreme difficulty separating from primary caregiver
Allie can do most of it, but does have some issues with some. (I wish I was able to say "my kid can do everything!" with a smile, but I can't!)
~ She can pedal the tricycle backwards, but can't do it forward, when there is resistance.
~ She can turn thick type pages of a book or pages of a board book, but can't turn regular paper pages one at a time. She'll turn 10 pages at one time and not notice.
~ She doesn't use the pronoun "they". Instead, she uses "them". IE: "Them played with me at the playground!"
~ I was a little unsure about what exactly a "mechanical" toy was. They have literal mechanic toys (wrench, screwdriver, etc) and she can use toys that take multiple steps, but just don't know what they mean by "mechanical".
~ Regarding separating easily from parents. She protests almost every day I take her to school, but she doesn't resist it. She'll go right to her teacher, she's just not happy about it.
~ Objecting to major changes in routine? Isn't this every kid from birth? Allie doesn't like it when she is expecting to do one thing, but we do another. How is this a developmental skill? I think I may be looking at it incorrectly.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
To change the subject, here is the conversation I had with my kids when I got out my new scale. (my old scale was off and I knew I weighed more, but seeing it kinda sucked).
Me: "Darn it. I do weigh more."
Ella: "That's because you are fat mommy!"
Allison: "She's skinny Ella!"
Ella: "Allison, mommies are fat. Mommy is a mommy. So mommy is fat!"
Note - reading back, I don't think Allison said "She's skinny" to Ella. She did say something about the fact I was skinny, but I don't think she used "She's".
Monday, January 7, 2008
This is ~not~ a daycare vs stay at home mom debate. And while I am going to mention somethings that are pros/cons to staying at home AND going off to work, nothing is always 100% pigeonholed. A "pro" to one may also be a "pro" to the other and vice versa. By no means am I saying that my opinions hold true for ALL daycare kids ~nor~ ALL stay at home kids. I'm going to speak in generalities. Whenever I have had these discussions before, I have ALWAYS gotten the offended response from a stay at home mom saying "NOT MY KID!". So right now, before I even start, I obviously know there are exceptions to just about everything. So please, this is for the purpose of observations, not to settle on who is right from who is wrong.
Note: Anyone without kids who is reading this ... You may be reading my warning and thinking to yourself "good lord, get on with it woman!" but it's astounding how some women, from both "sides", can get SO defensive when it comes to parenting choices. I have always been one who thinks what can be right for one may be wrong for another, so I have always been happy with my own decisions. I'll explain the ~why~ of my decisions, but I've never ever felt the need to defend them. The extreme defensiveness some mother's display is an unknown phenomenon to me - I honestly don't get it. Hence, the warnings on a "just in case" basis.
I'm a daycare mom. I'm a career woman. And I am OK with my decision 100%. There is no "if the hubby made more money, maybe I'd stay home" thinking. I like to work (although liking the job at times is a bit difficult!) and I have and want children. So for me, daycare is it.
Now, I'm also someone who wouldn't be happy with someone else "raising" my children. So for me, I don't think of daycare as the place that I pay to watch my kids. Choosing my children's daycare was a very tedious task and I am 100% satisfied with them. I also make sure the time my kids spend in daycare is "made up" for with quality time with both my husband and myself. We have worked out daycare hours so I get a few hours with them in the mornings while my husband gets them for a few hours in the afternoon. The time is spent with US, not simply spent in front of a television set. I am quite content with the way things are working.
All that said brings me to some things about daycare I like. I wanted to say those other things first, so it didn't seem as if I was using these things as a "pro daycare" argument. Although I ~am~ pro daycare, I am NOT anti stay at home. But because I never stayed home for more than the 12 weeks with each child, I can not tell you how my children would have turned out had I stayed home. But I can comment on how they have grown in daycare.
I think my daycare has a fabulous curriculum. My children knew all there colors early. They learned signs to ask for things before they could talk. They both knew their ABCs before well before 2. Ella knew all her letters and numbers by 3. She's now spelling and writing. (and this is where I'll get a stay at home mom offended, thinking I'm assuming stay at home kids can't do these things. Totally ~not~ what I'm even suggesting).
Another thing is both my children are also HIGHLY autonomous. They've both never gone through a clingy phase nor has either ever had any social anxiety. They are also polite, they know how to wait for their turn and they know how to speak up. They both listen to instruction in a controlled environment and take direction extremely well. When I took the girls to their gymnastics class this past weekend, Ella was in an independent class, free of mommies. I made sure Tom was with us to be "near" just in case Ella needed some extra support. Not only did she join this brand new class of a dozen children seamlessly, she didn't for a moment, look to either Tom nor I for support.
Of course, there are PLENTY of stay at home children who are like this. You don't need to be away from your child on a daily basis to have this outcome. And there are plenty of daycare kids who still freak out, even after years of daycare, each and every time mommy or daddy has to drop them off and leave them. All I am saying is that daycare may have played a role in the way both my children have become integrated with the world already. May have. Maybe daycare did none of this and my children were just born with the social gene. I can't say for sure.
The reason I brought this up was really from thinking of Canada's 12 month maternity policy. My best friend stayed at home with her daughter in her childhood years. I came out to visit, child free and wanting to go out and have fun in my hometown. I was excited to see my best friend and hang out with everyone I had left when I moved to Colorado. The only problem was her 6 month old. She had never been away from Mom, there had been no reason, and now, when we needed her to be cool with someone else, there was NO having it. She was breastfed and never was even offered a bottle until now, again, there had been no reason. Long story short, we didn't go out. This 6 month old baby has laid down the law and we were forced to follow.
It was her story that had me giving both my breastfed (for a year) babies bottles of breast milk on and off from 3 weeks old. It also was the reason behind me taking trips out of the house, without baby, when there was no reason I shouldn't of taken the baby. I was scared to get either of them so used to mommy that when I did have to be away, they would have to go through undue stress. I did it for them more than for me, although I have to admit some of it was for me.
Back to the Canadian 12 month maternity policy. Stay at home moms who choose to stay at home usually do so for the entire childhood I'd assume. For the sake of argument, let's say there is the same percentage of working mothers in the US as there is in Canada. Due to sucky US maternity leave, the US workers go back before baby knows what's up. But Canadian mothers, most go back after 12 months. Which brings me to my question. I wonder how many 12 month old babies have a hell of a time when mommy (or daddy) goes back to work after an entire year, when they are definitely old enough to think "where the hell did mommy go?".
I wonder if there's been a study of separation anxiety between US and Canada. I would assume there would be a large difference, there being more of it in Canada. Not that it makes Canada "bad" or anything. Separation anxiety isn't a horrible thing. Most children get over it and I'd doubt any child would suffer any psychological damage from it. I would even hazard to guess it would be harder on the parents than it would be the child. Mom not only has to get back into the groove of things after an entire year off, but she's given the extra stress of dealing with a baby who's world has totally been rocked from all its known. It's gotta be tough.
Then again, maybe none of this makes any difference at all and life goes on after a year, just like life goes on after 6-12 weeks here in the US. The Canadians probably just go back to work a little better rested :)
Saturday, January 5, 2008
I must say, 730am was later than normal and they would've gotten me up anyway since Saturdays are MY day to get up with them, but being in their bed was a new experience.
Sleeping. I just totally realized something the other day. Allison has only been sleeping through the night for 4 months. Isn't that crazy? And I'm not joking about not sleeping for the first 2 years. For 730 days on the nose, she woke up multiple times. I think there were ~maybe~ 4 or even 5 days she slept through. The average was 3 times of waking a night. The record was 11 times. (wait. 11? 11 is my record of number of hits it's taken someone to get a vein on me. If I'm confusing 11 with my vein punctures, then the record of waking is more than 11. Totally not joking).
Ella was my good sleeper. She slept through the night (like 10pm - 7am) from 11 weeks old. For an exclusively breastfed baby, this is good. So I thought this kid thing wasn't THAT hard and tried again for Allison (never in a million zillion years thinking I'd get pregnant on my 2nd month off the minipill, the first month I ~tried~ to conceive). I was a zombie mom. With a 15 months old and a newborn. Oh my god. Only those with kids close in age know what I'm talking about. Moms of multiples probably know the sleep deprivation worse than I did, but my argument for how it gets easier for moms of twins is a whole 'nother post! (no, no, I'm not actually saying mothering multiples is easy!).
Anywho, with Allie, I waited for that 11 week mark, when she'd sleep. When it passed by me without even another 15 minutes of sleep, I made the next goal. 16 weeks. Then 24. Then 6 months, 7, 8, 9, 10. Surely she's be sleeping by a year old! Nope. Nothing. By the end of month 24, day 730, I had already succumbed to the idea she wasn't a sleeper. During the past two years, I tried everything*.
* The only thing I didn't try was co-sleeping. My kids have been in their own beds from the moment of birth. I didn't sleep with them in the hospital (next to me, but in their own bassinet, which, I believe, is actually the rule at my hospital) and I didn't sleep with them at home. There were nights they slept on my chest on the couch after breastfeeding, but always back into their beds, on their backs. And NEVER would I put them in MY bed. Ever since I learned about the invention of cribs - that the reason they were invented was because there were SO many accidental deaths from "rollover", no way could I chance that.
Did anyone catch that HBO documentary of "autopsy" where the mother had 3 children die, 1 singleton and 2 twins? The singleton was declared SIDS but the twins were cause "unknown" and she sought out Dr Baden, world renown forensic pathologist, to find out what really happened. He studied everything. Genetics and the exhumed bodies. Everything. He spent months on the case only to finally tell her that he was 100% sure it wasn't SIDS, but accidental rollover which killed both babies at the same exact moment. Oh God. This poor mother. At the beginning of the case, she spoke of how she co slept in the "family bed", but she knows she doesn't roll at night and she is aware of the babies with her so she would ~know~ if she was moving around. She said that people told her it was a possibility but she just couldn't believe them. She KNEW they didn't die from rollover. But she said if Dr Boden did find that was the cause, she would trust him and have to accept it. So when Dr Boden did confirm her worst fears, it was heartbreaking. She couldn't continue, she burst out in emotion and I think she even fainted. The microphone was on when Dr Boden went after her and that raw pain I could hear in her sobs what more that I ever wanted to hear. She understood that although it was an accident, she killed her twins.
Whoa. Okay, that got a little serious for a moment. And while I'm totally against co sleeping in that manner - in the family bed - I don't think using a co sleeper is a bad thing. Just because I chose to have my kids not share our bedroom doesn't mean I don't think others shouldn't chose it either. For us, it wasn't even an option due to our space issues, so I can't even tell you with 100% certainty if I'd chose to co sleep or not given more room. I probably actually ~would~ have a co sleeper or a bassinet next to my bed for a few weeks after birth. But then into their own rooms, as I am very adamant on my opinions of babies learning to sleep in their own space from early on.
Obviously that isn't a trick to get them to sleep through the night. Like I said, I tried everything with Allie. Dark, light, cool room, warm room, swaddling, non swaddling, putting in a t shirt I wore so she could smell me, white noise, no noise, music, food before bed, no food before bed, waking her up to change and eat so she wouldn't wake up on her own, footed pjs, non footed pjs, diapers of different types, cloth diapers, sleeping in her own room, sharing a room with Ella, essential oils, going to be earlier, going to be later, baths before bed, massage before bed. I tried the dreaded CIO (cry it out). I tried differing methods. I tried a combination of it all. Everything. The pediatrician just told me some kids don't sleep no matter what you do. And since I had been "teaching" good sleeping habits from the very beginning, there was simply nothing I could do but wait.
On the eve of her second birthday, I wrote in her birthday card "I'm amazed at all the things you have learned over the past year and I'm excited to see what the new things you'll learn in the next year. And if you could, let sleeping through the night be one of them." During her birthday party, I read the card aloud and we all got a good laugh because everyone who knew us already were well aware of her sleeping habits. That night, I put her to bed like normal. And she slept until morning. Then the next night. Then the next night. All it took was to ask her in a written request? Okay, that's something I hadn't tried.
Although she still wakes up 1-2 times a week, those 5-6 days she sleeps is magical. It feels like she's been sleeping for years now because of how different it feels for us. Tom and I had a good plan going, we'd take turns for entire nights. This way, one of us always got a good night sleep. It did take earplugs for me though, since as a Mom, I still wake up when it's not my turn, but laying in bed listening was better than getting up. Someone would get a raw deal being up 10 times on their night opposed to maybe 1 time on the other person's night. But I'm sure that all balanced out. All I can do is thank Tom for being such a wonderful father - actually taking on a real 50% of the good and bad. (I'm amazed how many fathers out there fall short on this one. We always think our husbands will be amazing, but it's just not how it works when it's really happening).
Time to start getting the kids ready for their first gymnastics class! I'll update how it went later on.
I signed the girls up for an 8 week session of "Trampoline Gymnastics & Power Tumbling".
It's about damned time I signed the girls up for something like this! I always wanted to take my kids to gymnastics or dance or sports or something. And they are both finally old enough to go to something together. I'm thrilled.
Allison will be in "Diaper Gym": 0 to 3 yrs. -Parents are taught how to teach rolls, muscle memory positions, handstand skills and lots of upside down tasks and bungee flipping, put together in such away as to develop a child’s motor skills, air awareness and sensory integration beyond natural means. “Play” is unusual in that children can learn flips simply, without fear or pain! Graduation happens when parents help their child through “shadowing” a preschool class and a bond develops between child and teacher.
Ella will be in "Preschool Gymnastics": A broad program developing sensory integration through rolls, handstand skills, cartwheels, positions through muscle memory, short routines, bungee flips, flip flops, star walks, climb the mountain, rope climb, fun strength conditioning, feel good stretching, persistence, respect & social skills.
Both Tom and I will go tomorrow for a free session to make sure we want to enroll in the 8 week course that starts next week. It's one day a week on various days, which we'll attend the Sat 10:30am sessions. But, if we are out of town on that weekend, we can opt for a Wednesday or Thursday 5:45pm session. Cool, eh?
OMG. At the end of the 8 week session, Ella will probably have a little routine recital. My heart just did a flip flop.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Daddy helped Ella open the tough ribbons.
The girls got these chocolate covered marshmallow snowmen from "Santa". And while "santa" was out skiing and I stayed home with a broken foot, the girls wanted it. So I devised a plan. Yup, they are eating them IN the bathroom. Nice ambiance, no?
Here are some pictures of the big day. I didn't take too many this year due to all the people and I didn't get to see anyone open presents, but it was still really fun.
This was the Xmas Eve present. We always get to open ONE the night before.
The ALL IMPORTANT "panda". Don't know why, but the kids had this fascination with wanting a panda for Christmas. She asked Santa for it and talked about it constantly.
Which means, of course, both kids had to have one.
I was able to contain Ella for just a moment.
The girls got their princess dress up outfits. Definitely a hit. Who'd ever thunk this punk rock skater roller derby chick would end up with two little girly girls?
Wasn't able to contain Allie too well. I had to force it. (notice all the baby doll stuff)
Naptime showed just how tuckered out they were. Please tell me how that looks comfortable.
Playdough! Goodness, this kept them busy for HOURS. Thank you playdough Gods!
With 15 people to feed, this is how most meal preparation looked.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Allison has a new "song" she skips and sings to all over the house, public, anywhere. No idea what song it is except the word "cock" is sung over and over and over. I never realized I'd have to tell my 2 year old to stop saying "cock".
Ella amazed me by writing "Allison" on her papers. I knew she knew her own name, but writing "Allison" wowed me. She's 3 1/2 now and I have no idea how quickly she's learning or not, as I've never had a 3 1/2 year old before, but it amazed me nonetheless.
Christmas was an explosion of fun for the girls. But more on that later.
I think I'm a bit overwhelmed right now. IUI #3 has started without so much as a starting whistle. I'm still awaiting the test to see if my latest surgery was a success. I have a broken foot. I don't know, even with having this blog to turn to, sometimes I can't escape the disappointment of not being able to rub a pregnant belly. And it pisses me off that I promised myself THIS would be the place tertiary IF wouldn't be an issue. But damn it, if found me. Even here.