My day, so far, has consisted of this. Sitting at the computer, checking up on a few things. Karl is on my lap, as always, sound asleep ...
The flash woke him up a bit though, as you can see after I took that first picture, he now looks quite irritated...
He was grumpy yesterday, so I put him in the bjorn, bouncing him around the house. As you can see here, you can tell he's not the happiest baby on the block. Tom took the picture in mid-kiss. I'm not blowing on his head...
I like this picture because you can see Ella in the background - and we both have the same hairdo. Actually, since it's just a quick bun, it's really a hairdon't...
No matter how much I tried, I couldn't make the boy look happy...
The girls, on the other hand, were happy. They wanted to paint, so I hooked them up. This is post painting and they are cleaning up. Allie is on a pants strike right now...
And seriously. Is there anything cuter?
Hrm. I'm struggling with this mommy blog. I can post all the pictures I want, but that gives nothing to say in response. I mean, how many times can you say "cute pictures"?
I have to come up with something to talk about. Maybe I'll ask a question about parenting or something. Let's see how that goes.
What are your opinions of spanking?
Us? We spank. Not hard of course, but enough to sting and get our point across. And how do we rationalize the rule of "no hitting" yet we hit? For us, there is no rationalization to do. We talk about it head on and explain that spanking is not random hitting. It's a tool mommies and daddies use for punishment. How we never want to spank, but sometimes, their behavior is what makes us have to spank.
updated to add - Our type of "spanking" is not the over the knee, ass spanking. But more like a quick backhanded sting with the backs of our fingers (not whole hand) to the butt or arm.
22 comments:
Hrm.... spanking.
Something I'd like to say "I don’t believe in" but I have spanked.
Not much, as a matter of fact, hardly ever, but I am certainly guilty of it. There are times where a point NEEDS to be sent, a message of authority and who’s boss, and if not abused, spanking does the trick.
I’m willing to bet there are other things that do the trick too, but it’s what I have resorted too.
I have a friend who yells and spanks probably daily, and it has no impact on the kids anymore, therefore in a more serious situation, when a serious point needs to be made, the only thing I’ve seen her resort too is chucking things across the living room, slamming doors, throwing lamps against the wall, just to get her voice heard. (Extreme case here but have actually seen it in many people)
You know I’m a Love and Logic Mom and Facilitator, I live and breathe love and logic – yet I have spanked. Why? Because more than I’m a L&L Mom, I’m human, I study and teach L&L only because I can be one of those mom’s who too easily could turn into a last resorter and spank- yell and throw stuff around, and I know I don’t want too, so I study it so that I have options and can do something different.
I’ve seen mom’s exploited on TV who got caught on camera in the K-mart parking lot going off on her kid spanking the shit out of him. Honestly I don’t agree, but I also don’t judge, I am actually quite irritated that it was so exploited, Yes – maybe she was in the wrong, BUT (heh) with what I’ve seen, with even my own parents, she looked no different than the rest of us who loses it once in a while. I’ll be willing to bet she is a very good mother, who just got caught in a very bad moment and didn’t know what else to do. And I felt for her.
I’d like to think I’m a mom who never spanked her kid, but I’m not that mom, and I honestly don’t think I’ve taught my kid to hit. Tho you better believe I will teach him to kick a bully’s ass (give a bully a spanking of a different kind) if the bully deserves it. Which he had to do just a few weeks ago. A bully was constantly hitting Dylan and saying “What you pussy, you gunna tell on me or go cry?” Dylan – not wanting to be a baby – just kept his mouth shut and took it, asked for Reed and my advise, we gave our own opinion which was different from each others, and I told Dylan, “It’s your choice, just remember, whatever you choose, you have to be willing to accept the consequences, I will love you but cant bail you out”. Within the next week, the kid slugged Dylan in the back, Dylan turned around and right hooked him in the nose, the kid started crying and has left Dylan alone since. So maybe occasional spanking when needed isn’t such a bad message to send. I teach my kid to hit when he needs too, just like I have hit when I felt I needed too. (again, very few and far between) Guess I’m old fashion.
Spanking is something we will do if it is absolutely necessary. But since he's so young we haven't crossed that bridge yet, time outs are sufficient.
And I must say you and Tom make gorgeous kids. Karl may not have wanted to smile but he's still gorgeous and those girls are gonna break hearts.
Your kids are too cute! Too bad we don't live closer 'cuz then Sam and Karl could be buddies!
I do spank Aidan when it is necessary. But only after a warning is given. As he gets older, the spankings are less frequent because he is taking the warnings seriously. I can't remember the last one I gave him but that doesn't mean he's an angel. He spends some time in time out or in his room to calm down but I try to limit the spankings.
He knows the difference between spankings and just hitting people. His cousin that is just a bit younger than him beats up on him all the time (because of the excessive needless spanking in their house) and Aidan is really good about just walking away. His cousin does it for attention and it seems Aidan knows this. Every so often Aidan will hit him back if he's had enough and I try not to go off too much because though it isn't right to hit, it's not good to fall victim to a bully. Defending yourself is one thing, beating up on someone is another.
I try not to spank him when I am angry though because it defeats the purpose of the discipline. I have a couple of times and it created a big 'ol mess. In those times I do apologize to him after dealing with the initial bad behavior. Now that Aidan is older, it is easier to discuss the bad behavior and what not.
I don't think kids should be beat at all and some parents are excessive in their 'discipline' but a good swat on the butt is sometimes needed.
I love Jewels' response!
My kids aren't old enough to spank, yet, but I'm sure I will. Sometimes it is necessary to get a point across. I'm with you, though...no over the knee, bare assed, belt type. My parents had levels of spanking and that was the worst. It did get their point across, but I don't think it's truly necessary.
Too bad I can't just alpha-roll the kids like I do my dogs. The dogs rarely repeat a bad behavior when I do that. ;-)
I'm a firm believer that ever child is different and you have to do what works for your child. We don't spank but not because we don't believe in spanking. We tried spanking as a form of punishment and it had zero affect (or is it effect?) on his behavior. What works for us is taking away something whether it be a toy, an activity, etc it all depends on the situation. If DS acts out on the playground and I make him sit with me for 5 minutes while the rest of his friends play it absolutely tortures him and he has learned his lesson. He'd much rather I spank him because it's over quickly and he can get back to playing but it has left no impression whatsoever and he doesn't learn his lesson.
What bugs me is when they DON'T punish children and let them get away with everything. To me that's another form of child neglect because they aren't teaching the child right from wrong. Who else are they going to learn it from if not from their parents? It's our responsibility to set good examples for our children and teach them what is expected of them in your household and in life in general. Why even have kids if you aren't going to be a parent to them?
And as always, cute kids! I always enjoy looking at the pics. Thank you for continuing to share!
I agree this time change thing SUCKS! I'm exhausted. I could have used that hour last night.
My oldest daughter is only 2 years old and has not done anything that has warrented a spanking as of yet. Time-outs have worked well for us thus far, but that could change down the road. I'm not against spanking but the kid has to do something really bad to warrent it.
My parents spanked for every minor offense. If I even cried because I was upset about something, I got spanked. Their spakning wasn't mild either. It was over the knee, bare butt against bare hand with full force. I couldn't sit down for a while after a spanking. Hell, my father still threatens to spank me when he disagrees with something I do or say and I'm a grown adult.
After my experience growing up, I feel like spanking should be used as a last resort. My daughter has responded well to time-outs and I'm hoping that they continue to work for us, but if they don't, I would be willing to explore spanking as an option. If and when we do use spanking as a consequence, it will not be to the extent my parent went.
I'm not a big fan of spanking but then, I'm not sure how much of that has to do with my son's situation and the increased patience that I've developed because of it. I feel like he might be too young for it anyway, but then, there are moms on the boards with kids younger than him who do spank.
I just don't see him getting it yet, even if we did spank him.
And I first read "Teaching with Love and Logic" long before I had kids. It seems to work so far.
I think Karl looks like Allison! They are all so beautiful.
I'm spending a lot of my days right now with Nate in the same position on the boppy on my lap the way Karl is in your pics.
No spanking here... not now, not ever. Personal decision I made before I ever had children.
Wanted to thank you again for the advice on starting a blog - I've got it started now!
I don't ~like~ spanking. There. I said it.
But I do spank because sometimes that's the only way to get their attention AND to get my point across. I do not spank for minor offenses--they really have to do something serious to get a spanking, and even then, it's a smack on the bottom, not a bare-butt-beating-with-a-belt kind of thing.
Like the other day (Thursday ? I think??) we had the kids at Burger King to get a drink and play awhile, since the hubby was off and the kids were restless.
We're getting ready to leave, Emi decides she wants some chicken nuggets so Daddy goes to get some. He's holding the baby, I'm refilling everyone's drinks because "Mommy, I'm thiiiiiirrrsty!!!! Agaaaaaiiiinnnn!!"
The oldest 2 (who are 5 and 7 1/2)run out the door, across the parking lot, Todd and I both bolt after them, and Emi (who's just 3) darts out into the parking lot despite me screaming (literally) "STOP! NOW! STOP!". She almost got hit by a car and I nearly had a heart attack).
They all got a spanking. I think it was needed. At any rate, we took them out again yesterday and none of them left our side, so I guess they got the point.
You're the parent. You know your kids better than anyone. Don't let anyone try to convince you that you are wrong.
People who don't discipline drive me INSANE. (I'm not talking about ~just~ spanking, I'm talking about the parents who just laugh everything off and don't give a rat's ass what their kids do)
Seriously. Insane. I'd like to throttle some people. Can't they at least learn to use timeouts, or ~something~? Geez.
Steph
stephs_3_kidz
Steph, I agree with you completely. My kids are SO WELL BEHAVED in public. Sure, they have their moments, but a stern word or a grab of their arms (the other form of corporal punishment we use) is all that is needed. It rarely goes to the spanking.
Allies hair is getting so long! Thanks for sharing the pics!
I will swat the kids butts is nothing else works. I do it open handed and no more than 2 times.
My MIL thinks it is OK for her to spank (full on over the knee beatings practically) since she has seen me swat them. Hubby and I still get into it because my thought is my kids let ME discipline how I want not how you want. He thinks his mom knows best. I stopped taking the kids over because she wanted to spank for the smallest infraction (like not eating their whole plate). It is slowly getting better because she wants to see them.
You couldn't have said it better yourself, everything you said is how I feel about spanking. Of course we are nowhere near that yet, but it is something I have always thought about. I little swat to get the point across is all I feel is needed, then maybe a few minutes in time out. Kevin's mother used to poor rice in the corner and make them kneel on it with their knees...ok thats crazy to me. That's like torture...who does that shit?! Oh well, she was the one stuck cleaning the rice up. I'd also NEVER use a belt.
One other thing, I remember back in school they used to send a permission slip home asking the mothers if their child could be spanked if they got sent to the principals office. Um hell to the no. That's going to be a big no no for me when Mason gets older, no principal is going to spank my kids, what's too hard for them? A little spank, or a spank where it leaves a mark? Since you don't really know how hard they spank why would you let them? Plus they dont use their hands they use a whip!! My kid isn't a slave...I just completely disagree with mothers who allow this! Sorry if any of you reading this is one of "those" mothers, it is just how I feel.
I have no idea about spanking yet. I was going to say "yes, I will spank" but obviously I'm not in the position yet to know. Once this kid comes out, talk to me then! LOL My parents spanked me as a child and I don't hate them for it...it was usually a quick hiney spank and often times just the "threat" of a spanking was worse than the actual deal. It was once in a blue moon, as needed, and I saw/see no problem in it!
My favorite picture is of the two girls hugging. So special the bond of sisterhood (for those few minutes only I'm sure!).
On spanking, I think we're in the same boat. I try not to, but there are times..... It's definitely only used in emergencies and I have no guilt about it.
my son is only 3 months old, so obviously i have not spanked him. and, theoretically, i am really against it. it feels icky to me to use brute force against a smaller being. but my logic only goes so far because i would enforce time out and i'd be using force to do it (if i had to physically put a kid there, a la nanny jo), so i don't know.
really, i think i'd be afraid to spank. afraid that in my anger or haste, i'd hit too hard or too often. i honestly don't know exactly how we'll discipline when the time comes.
I think a little spanking when deserved doesn't hurt anyone in the long run.
I see too many kids at work you defy authority and you can tell that they rule the roost at home.
Sometimes I wish I could swat a kid on the butt/hand at work just b/c they get so fresh!! You can tell they never ever get punished at home. This is why your child is screaming in the hallway/in the class uncontrolably and yelling at the teacher too!! Grrr...makes me angry.
I have this theory...a lot of Catholic schools are closing so
HIRE THE NUNS FOR PUBLIC SCHOOL!
There goes the discipline problem.
I was never spanked. My mother has the patience of Job. We sat in the corner for discipline, but she constantly used positive reinforcement- and it worked. At least until the teen years.
My husband and I are both patient, soft-spoken people, and not the kind to get really worked up. He's coached high school kids for a decade and they love him and follow his directions- without raising his voice. I worked for so many years with the mentally ill, that there is nothing the average child can do that gets my goat. I had to redirect and train behaviors far worse than a kid's without resorting to hitting. It can be done.
We never physically punished W once.
And the kid's a handful.
Honestly, in my life, I was always threatened with "the wooden spoon' -- and it's not a good comparison because my early life was so topsy-turvy that I was just going to be a cautious kid...
oops, not done yet... the upshot basically is that I don't think a swat on the bottom every once in a while would've hurt him.
What I really wish is that we'd been more consistent with discipline -- consequences for bad behavior etc.
XO
Pam
I don't believe in spanking. Yes I will admit that I have smacked on occasion when I have lost my patience, and I have always regretted it because I don't think it's the right thing to do. When I've done it it's been a reflection of my lack of self-control, and I don't believe it teaches the child anything of value.
99% of the time I am extraordinarily patient, and I do think I'm getting closer to being the parent I want to be. I do lots and lots and sometimes mindnumbingly lots of talking and explaining and exploring.
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