As a matter of fact, I ~do~ have another daughter!

I've been talking a lot about Ella recently - because of her birthday and then her subsequent birthday party.

I wanted to make a little post for miss allison too.

Miss Allison, or "Allie" as she likes to be called, is 2 years 8 months old. She's still getting new teeth (#19 just the other day) and she's showing me her brains everyday.

~ Her coloring skills are starting to improve greatly. She still colors things with pretty much one color, but she's coloring "in the lines" as much as she can.

~ Last night she accidentally drew an 'A' and was mighty impressed with herself.

~ She's totally a nudist. When it's nighttime and she doesn't want to sleep, I simply have to ask her if she wants to sleep naked and she says "I can take my panties off too?" and jumps into bed, ready to sleep naked.

~ She hasn't spit in anyone else's face. Yipee!

~ She gets very jealous of anything said/done to her sister. If we tell Ella's she's a good girl, Allie will burst out into tears saying "I'm a good girl too!!".

~ Her hair is starting to get out of control, but I want to grow it all out so it's all one length. Right now, it's almost too crazy for me to deal with. I simply put it in a ponytail on top of her head to get it out of her eyes. It looks hilarious, but it will be worth it.

That's about it. Nothing earth shattering, but to me - everything both my girls does is earth shattering.

Party Over. Momma sleeps.

Whew.

Staying up until 2am working on party favors and then getting up at 630am to inflate balloons takes a lot of of you!

The party went wonderfully well. The food was great. All activities went as planned. We were all on time. Ella was done with her presents and I handed out goody bags at exactly 12:58pm. By 1, all 'short time' guests were gone (long time friends stayed as usual).

Then I slept. Hard.

Today is Ella's birthday party.

I think I went overboard by planning it out so early. I didn't know what would be going on in FET-land, so I needed to have everything done just in case.

Well, due to having "everything done", I bought the stuff early. And I was able to afford the luzery of buying what I wanted. Which meant from various places. And now, it all put together, I am that crazy "i've done too much for a 4 year old" mom.

Granted, this is probably one of her bigger parties (besides the big "one" party.) because it's too young to have parents drop her friends off here, but she's old enough to have invited 6 kids from school. So I have ~all~ our adult friends (with and without kids. which sucks for our best friends who both couple have IF issues. They know and I know and we all know this is something that they are choosing to come to. I wish I could make us all better.) and her school friends and their parents. The rsvp list is something like 19 adults and 14 kids. And I have a teeny house. Awesome.

So this is what I have:
~ normal party gear - plates, cups, tableclothes - all disney princess
~ princess cake
~ soda, juice, water, beer (come on, adults can have fun too)
~ pinata full of good candy
~ princess goodie boxes filled with princess items
~ dinosaur goodie boxes for any boys who attend
~ streamers and balloons (thank you for decorating laurel!)
~ one of those $20 helium tanks
~ large art table (had to buy the table)
~ table with 2 art projects: sand bottles and/or decorating and making those large pointy princess hats
~ and then $200 of food because I'm having Carino's cater it (I didn't know if I would be on bedrest of not).

Yeah. A little overboard, no?

Sweet Pea is Four.

Ella turned 4 years old today.

Four years ago from right now, 10:28am, I was in a ~hard~ induced labor, naturally. My god, I wish epidurals worked on me. I get no credit for making it through naturally because I got an epidural, it just didn't work. So yes, I endured all the pain of a pitocin labor for 22 hours, but I certainly didn't want it.

At this time, I still had another 9 1/2 hours to go. It was the most painful experience of my entire life, hands down. Worse than breaking my leg in half on top of the mountain. Worse than ripping all my ankle ligaments apart in my friend's front yard. Worse than ripping all my girlie parts open, requiring plastic surgery, when I fell on a chair when I was 8 years old. Worse than waking up from any of my 15 surgeries in that post-surgical pain. Worse than OHSS.

Good lord, I'll never forget that pain. The old adage "You forget the pain the moment the baby is put in your arms" is utter and complete bullshit. I remember the pain more than I remember the baby being put in my arms. Okay, so I was lying a bit about that one. Laying the baby on my belly, all covered in goo, will be a moment impressed in my memory forever.

Actually, the birth was a much different experience than I had ever imagined. First, I wasn't ready for the actual amount of pain I was in. It was so overwhelming and I couldn't do anything about it. I actually told the doctor while pushing that I had changed my mind and wanted to go home. And I was 100% serious. I was beside myself in pain. I got through it, yes, but damn.

The second part that was strange for me was when Ella made her way out. I saw the films, I knew what birth looked like, but it wasn't like those films. Because it was my first baby, I was unsure how I would react. Due to this, I decided against a mirror. I let my doula and husband take a look, but I didn't want to watch it. I'm very visual and was afraid that would be stuck in my mind forever.

When she crowned, the nurse asked me if I wanted to touch her. I was in so much pain I just wanted her out. I didn't want to stop and touch her head. In fact, I found that a little freaky. I have a baby sticking out through my vagina and the next moment was a moment I'd been waiting for. I had waited 6 months from getting married to get to the starting point of trying for a family. Another 18 months of trying to conceive. 9.3 months of gestation. All for the next moment. So no, I don't want to stop to touch the top of her head. I want her out. Now.

Then, when Ella's head made it through, they stopped for a moment to clean her mouth and nose out. She immediately started crying like most newborns do. The weird thing was - she was still INSIDE me! Her head was sticking out from between my legs, her entire body inside, and she was crying. Bizarre if you ask me. When I had Allison the next year, they didn't stop and do this with her, so I don't know how common it is to have this happen. Since it did happen to me, I can tell you how creepy this felt. Having a crying baby head sticking out of my vagina.

After the crying head thing, with no more than a simple sneeze, the rest of the baby came sliding out. I remember thinking how odd this was because it was ~so~ hard to push out her head, pushing out her entire body should of required some work. But apparently it doesn't, as both babies slid out easily.

And this is when my first born daughter was given to me. She was laid on top of my belly, still attached to the placenta via the umbilical cord. In that single moment, I knew I would give up my life for this little being. I was overwhelmed.

Tom cut the cord and Ella was swept up and taken over to the warmer to get cleaned up. As Tom went over to watch the process, I then had the uncomfortable process of continuing the birthing process as I delivered the placenta. That thing doesn't simply slide right out after the baby - you still have to contract and deliver it. It was painful, but comparatively speaking, it was a cake walk.



I also felt a great sadness the baby was no longer safe inside me. And I was keenly aware of the change of focus from me to the baby. Just a moment ago, I was the center of every one's attention. Now it was on the baby. Only my OB sat with me, but really, he didn't have much choice as his arm was currently inside me trying to help the placenta come out.

A few minutes later, I was given the baby back, all bundled up in a blanket. Everyone in the room promptly left, leaving our new ~family of three~ time to meet each other. Ella was wide awake and very alert, as she had no medication in her from my labor. She latched on to my breast and I fed my daughter.

And while I'll never forget the pain, this moment was worth it.



Happy birthday my dear Ella.



You are my everything.

Mommy screams like a little girl.

This weekend the hubby and I got our hands dirty in the backyard, getting our patio ready for Ella's birthday party next weekend.

Backtrack - Being new parents, we were all freaked out about our little ones being injured while playing. So we had bought those rubber playmats to put underneath the little playground/slide/climbing thing we have for them. It's 2 years old and survived this long, but it's time to get rid of it. It's blue and now will turn anything blue that touches it.

We lifted these little sections up and there were a mass of worms and creepy crawlers. What made matters worse is we have a split in the concrete which had since filled with dirt from the side. That was a breeding ground for all kinds of weird looking bugs. I'm not scared of bugs, but I jump easily from the unknown. A bug landing on me will freak me out, but me walking up to the bug is cool. Well, with one lift of a little blue square, something rolled across my fingers and I screamed like a little girl.

This made Ella laugh. She looked down and there were worms on the concrete and thought that was what I was screaming at. No, it was actually the millipede looking creatures, but she didn't care for the explanation.

I follow one of The Five Precepts forming the moral code for Buddhists. "Do not kill anything living" is strong in me, which meant I had to get down and pick up each of those worms to find a good place for them. Although I wasn't going to kill the worms, taking away their protection would kill them, so I couldn't do it. As I had a nice big handful of worms, I offered the girls to touch a worm. Allison did it after protesting at first, but Ella would have nothing to do with them. She wanted ~me~ to save them all, but definitely did NOT want to touch them herself. Such a girlie girl.

The next day, her Papa (grandpa) came over to visit. She told him all about the worms. And what did she say about them? "Mommy's scared of worms. They make her SCREAM!". Nice.



---

I looked up Buddhism to remember the phrase for "The Five Precepts" which forms the moral code. While I am not a practicing Buddhist, everything about it makes so much sense to me. I naturally live this way and I could, quite possibly, become Buddhist. Except for one little thing...

"Avoid Intoxicants"

I like my beer. And I like to get drunk every now and again. Damn. Is 4 out of 5 of the moral code still okay?

If anyone is interested, here is a little more:

The Five Precepts form the moral code for Buddhists. They are:
1. Do not to kill anything living
2. Do not to take anything that isn't freely given
3. Abstain from sexual misconduct
4. Refrain from lying
5. Avoid intoxicants.

Buddha taught personal enlightenment through the Four Noble Truths:
1. Suffering exists
2. Pain and suffering are caused by attachment to desires
3. Desires can be stopped when the longing for things to change is overcome
4. By following the Noble Eightfold Path (right view, intention, speech, action, livelihood, effort, mindfulness and concentration) desires can be conquered

Buddhists also believe in Karma, the understanding that all actions have consequences, and reincarnation, the cycle of birth and rebirth.

So that is Buddhism in a nutshell.

Also, I saw this question and thought it was funny. From the above, the answer is already obvious, but I thought it was funny.

Can Buddhists kill ants?
In accordance with the first precept, Buddhists aim not to kill living things including ants or mice. A nest of poisonous ants in a monastery in Malaysia avoided annihilation because the monks refused to exterminate them and instead vacuumed them up, setting them free in a nearby forest.

That is SO something I would do.

Elusive sleep.

I miss sleep. The kind of sleep you sleep ~before~ you have kids.

I find it hilarious when big pregnant girls complain about not sleeping through the night anymore due to aches and pains or having to pee. I'll admit, I was like this with my first pregnancy too, but now I know. I know that even that horrid 3rd trimester sleep was the best sleep I'll have for years.

Being a mom, I've had to give up my sleep time. I thought it was just until the baby slept through the night, but it wasn't. I wake up at everything now. I used to be such a sound sleeper but now the wind blows and my mom brain wakes up. It's really, really, really annoying. I'm such a different person now and I know much of it revolves around my lack of true sleep.

Tom and I take turns sleeping "in" on the weekends. On our turn to sleep, we deem it successful if we sleep past 8. A handful of times I've slept to 9 and thought I was in princess sleep land. A few weeks ago, I slept until 930a. Unheard of.

This morning, Allison came in and woke me up at 5am. I told her it was ~way~ too early to wake up. As I tried to get back to sleep, I heard her shuffling around. She finally fell back asleep, but I didn't. Just as I think I was about to, being in that soft dreamy place, she came in again as the sun hit the horizon. That was 6:20am. Still not time yet hun. She protested, telling me the sun was awake already, so she should be awake too. Back to bed I sent her and I spent the next 40 minutes laying there pissed off that I was awake. Right at 7am, both kids came running out in there childhood exuberance and told me the big hand was finally at the top. (I've got a rule about no getting up before 7am, which unfortunately, they follow.)

I think about my trying for another baby and think of all the sleepless nights ahead of me. But then again, I don't see the difference. Even if I sleep now, it's not soundly. I was amazed how I wasn't effected so drastically over sleep deprivation when Allison was born. I had been sleeping through the night since Ella was just a few months old, but again, it wasn't a sound sleep.

I wonder how long it will be until I actually sleep again. Will it ever happen?

Did you actually just do that?

I am at a loss as to what to do with Allison's new thing. She's spitting.

Where she got this? Beyond me. She's spat at her sister a few times (never in front of me) and then the other night, as Daddy was telling her something she didn't want to hear, she spat AT HIM! (I'm the disciplinarian here. She's ~never~ do that to me.)

Regardless if she's do it to me or not, it's not acceptable. When she did it to Daddy, she went directly to bed for the night.

Well, last night, after a very pleasant bath, they argued about who was getting out first. (yes, two kids close together = fighting about everything. EVERYTHING. They are basically at the same level so arguing about ridiculous things is not yet 'above' Miss Ella). I was turned around, picking up the dirty clothes and I heard it. Then Ella scream "SHE SPIT AT ME!!!".

Livid.

Off to bed she went. It was a good hour before bedtime too. She didn't sleep, except just played in her bed (no toys). She's good at that - she can simply entertain herself by playing with her toes. Ahhh, on a side note, it's nice to be easily entertained. Just like her mommy.

I really don't know what to do except to keep punishing the behavior. It's never allowed and I will continue to send to bed. I just hope it will work. She certainly didn't look like she was having a hard time staying in her bed all by herself - she looked content. Oy vey.

Three white bunnies.

Ella: "Mommy, when peter pan dies, (our tortoise with a 50+ year life expectancy) we're going to get three white bunnies."

Me: "Three, huh?"

Ella: "Yes. One for me. One for Daddy. One for you and one for Allie."

(moment of silence)

Ella: "Make that 4."

The mundane.

Do you know how much ~work~ it is to do the mundane?

Feed the kids. Brush their teeth. Bathe them.

Sometimes I wish I could just let the molt in their own dirtiness. How white trash would that be?

Floam. Do not use as a hat.

OMG.

Allison was playing with floam. She smashed it down in a big circle and put it on her head.

Instant stick. Like gum. The amount I'd have to pull to get it out would tear out the root instead (it was too her roots).

Panic.

I thought I was going to have to cut it out.

Bright idea. Water. Bathtub. Soak. Baby oil. Soak.

It came out.

Pictures coming.