I was open about the pregnancy before there even was a pregnancy. I believe in letting my children know what is going on, even if it could lead to disappointment. I protect my children from harm, but I also believe in getting them ready for the real world.
During the 20 cycles trying to conceive this baby, I had plenty of emotions. If I was sad over a failed cycle, I didn't hide it from my kids.
* note - While I didn't hide my emotions from the girls, I also kept them in check. I am their mother and I will treat them as my children. I don't think it's okay to bring them into adult problems, so I am very careful in what I do share with them.
If I was tear stained and they asked what was wrong, I told them Mommy was sad because Mommy and Daddy are trying to grow a new baby and it didn't work yet. I'd give them big hugs and tell them how happy I was that I was able to grow them. They'd usually hug me back and go on with their play.
During my IVF cycle, they were active in helping me with injections. I would have one of them hold the syringe while I wiped my hip off with alcohol and after I would do the injection, I'd even let one of them pull it out. They knew all the medicine was helping mommy get ready to put some "baby eggs" in my belly to see if they would grow. I never promised them anything and always told them baby eggs don't always grow, but we'll be trying.
After our embryo transfer I showed them the pictures of the Fab Four (the four embryos we transferred). I explained how these were the baby eggs and we put them in my belly to see if they would grow. Ella did a great job with understanding, in her childlike way, what was going on. She would tell her teacher "mommy put 4 baby eggs in her belly and we hope one grows, but they might not."
When we got the BFP, the girls were the 2nd and 3rd to know. We told them a baby egg was growing, always careful to also say that it may stop growing at anytime. When I had the low beta and the scare of ectopic, I told Ella that the baby egg wasn't doing too well and it may not live much longer. She looked sad and said "okay" and then ran off to play.
I think many adults underestimate children. Children can understand much more than I ever would have thought they could. And while I will never allow them to become privy to any of our adult issues/problems, as they are still my children and I want them to remain children, I'm happy I can include them in the entire pregnancy.
The girls are in a big argument right now in what the sex of the baby is going to be. Ella thinks it's a girl and Allison is under the impression we ~need~ a boy. So this is what I hear about 100 times a day ...
Ella: "We don't know if it's a blue eyed girl or a brown eyed girl!"
Allie: "Ella, the baby is a brown eyed boy!"
Ella: "Maybe it's a blue eyed boy! But it's a girl."
Allie: "No it's not! It's a boy!"
~tears explode from each~
Ahhhh. They may be able to understand quite a bit, but they still are 2 1/2 and 4!