"It's just gas" and a poignant question.

"They" have said it for years ... a baby smiling before the 4~ish week mark simply just has gas. And while it's still not a ~real~ smile (these happen around 6 weeks on average), it's not from gas. "They" now say it's just the involuntary muscles, usually happening during sleep, but happening while awake too. While getting "smiled" at melts your heart in those early weeks, it's hard to keep in mind it's totally not real. When it's real, you will know it.

At least I thought I would. I got my first smile last week. I even blogged about it. Since then, I've gotten a few random ones in reaction to me trying to get him to smile. Well, just now, I looked down while nursing and there Karl was, looking back at me. When our eyes met, I got a smile. I said to him "Oh, are you smiling at momma?", my heart swelled to the maximum. And just as I got that question out of my mouth, he burped. heh. Maybe it ~was~ just gas!


And now for my question. Do you know I literally cannot tell if my baby is really cute? (And don't comment "yes he is!" or something else to ease my mind. Instead, answer the bigger question I ask ask."

There are literally dozens and dozens of new babies out there in blogworld. Even more. And since I can look at them without anything personal feelings, I can tell if they are cute or, well, not so cute. Except for my best friends out there - all their babies are fucking cute and hell, maybe it's because of the same thing.

As a mother, do you think you can even tell if your baby happens to fall in the not so cute category?

Here is a picture of Karl, taken right this moment - is he simply full from a belly of breast milk? Or can he simply not fathom the fact I'm trying to figure out if he's just not that cute?



(don't get me wrong - I think the boy is fucking gorgeous. I am just questioning my eyes as a mother.

Karl doesn't like robots.

Bad robots!!!!

(I originally posted under wrong blog. Sorry about that!)

Breast pumps.

In December 2007, the approximate cost to formula feed a baby for one year was $2,300. The Bureau of Labor Statistics shows the inflation rate from 12/07 to now is 4.08%, which means the average cost to formula feed a baby for one year is $2,393.84!

The cost of the popular Medela Pump-In-Style is about *$249. This pump pays for itself in 38 days. Monetarily speaking alone, breast feeding is the way to go! Now, some people will just tell me they qualify for WIC so formula feeding is completely free for them. But keep in mind it's not free, even for them. The taxes taken out of your paycheck pays for it.

*Note: Do ~not~ buy from Babies-R-Us! You will be spending $30 too much, $50 if you take sales tax into consideration. Check out yahoo shopping and you can find deals like this which sells the pump for $249 with free shipping and no sales tax.

I've seen some recent talk about buying used breast pumps out there in internetland, so I thought now may be a good time to repost this link. It's about buying used pumps and what pumps are good and which ones are dangerous to buy used.

Used Breast Pumps <----- click on me!

With the economy the way it is, mommies may be looking at ways to save everywhere and may think a used pump is a good idea. While it ~is~ a good idea for a handful of pumps that are closed system pumps (where it's impossible for milk vapor to reach the motor), most of the popular pumps are not closed.

Many serious diseases like human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), hepatitis and cytomegalovirus can be found in breastmilk. The pathogens can be transmitted to the motor via milk vapor and it can live for quiet a long time. Not as dangerous, but still hard to get rid of fungal infections like candidiasis (yeast infection, thrush) can be transmitted through the milk vapor as well, getting trapped in the motor - passing it right along to the new user.

I was surprised to see another problem of buying used talked about in this article too. It's an issue I ran into with my own pump ...

After using my pump 3-4 times a day for 1 year (Ella's time spent breastfeeding) and 10 months (Allison's time spent breastfeeding), my Medela motor started to die. The motor was just not that strong anymore and it finally got weak enough to really affect the amount of milk I could pump. I only had a 1 year warranty on the Medela pump, but they were awesome, offering me another brand new pump at 50% off.

Motors get worn out with use. This is an unavoidable fact. If you buy a used pump, how do you know the motor isn't getting ready to meet its maker soon? That means the deal you got is now just money thrown away as you are forced to buy a new pump.

Comfortable or not?

How can he possibly be comfortable in this position? ...

Note: the swing has a papasan style seat and it's horizontal to the floor. The way this picture is taken looks like he can slip out, but it's completely impossible. He's really snuggled in the bottom of a big fluffy bowl.

Peek-a-boo in the little mirror during tummy time ...



The view from above (my goodness, I ~love~ baby butts) ...

I just want to eat him up.

You can't tell in this picture, but the boy has some major blue eyes. Just beautiful. And that hat? Gotta thank Denise for keeping it punk. I love it!

A few really hard days.

Karl is sick. Nothing terrible, just a simple stuffed up nose, but a severely stuffed up nose on a 5 week old baby can be major.

What is today? Um. I actually have to look. It's Thursday.

Tuesday afternoon, I noticed a difference in my little man. He was staying awake way longer than normal. Didn't bother me too much, as I had slept the night before, so I wasn't in need of him to nap. Evening came and he stayed awake and fussed. Then nighttime came and no sleep. He'd fall asleep for 5, 10, even 15 minutes and then jolt awake and cry. I couldn't quite tell what was wrong, except he was overly tired and ~something~ was bothering him.

It was in the wee early morning hours of the day when I could hear his breathing pattern. His nose was stuffed up. He couldn't breath. Babies breath through their noses and when this does not work, it majorly fucks up their day. He'd fall asleep and when he got clogged again, he'd get his oxygen cut off and jolt awake as he gasps for a breath. It broke my heart.

He finally fell asleep and stayed asleep past the 15 minute mark at 5:40am. It was the FIRST time I laid my head down to sleep. Ella woke me up at 6:45am. Awesome. 1 hour and 5 minutes of sleep. Time to start the day.

All day yesterday was the same. Karl was ~so~ tired. His eyes were shot. He was fidgety. And he couldn't breath through his nose. I did all the things I should do. Snot sucker. Saline drops. Humidifier. Propped him up. It only works for short periods of time. And although he'd fall asleep each time, within 2 hours, he'd be gasping for breath again. I asked the pediatrician if I could give the poor kid some nose relief with benadryl, but he's a tad too young. Poop.

At 12:30am this morning, being awake for 41 of the past 42 hours, I was able to fall asleep. I slept right next to him (he was in his basket on the bed) so I could get to him and suck out the snot as quickly as possible, change him, feed him and let him pass out again. Wait 2 hours. Repeat.

The last 'episode' was at 530a and he fought sleep a little bit until it encompassed him again a little after 6a. It's been 2 hours now and I'm waiting for that poor little gasp.

I went into so much detail to get to this one little thing though. Around dinner time last night, after hours and hours of sleeplessness and Karl feeling really, really, really crappy. After holding a distinctly different looking baby, a baby who looks miserable, in my arms while he cries and screams and tears roll down my face because I can't help him, he was sitting next to me having a rare quiet moment.

The simple phrase of "peek-a-boo" and a blanket flash over his face produced the most ~beautiful~ thing ever. It spread across his face without warning. Our very first, REAL, honest-to-goodness, smile.

Formula question

As anyone who reads me knows, I am very pro-breastfeeding. But I am not anti-formula. Ella ~never~ got formula, but I eased up with Allison, giving a supplemental bottle every now and again when needed.

Well, the other night I was exhausted and was heading to bed and Karl had been "snack nursing" and was hungry. I was too tired to feed him yet again, which wouldn't fill him up since it had only been maybe 45 minutes to an hour later, so I just went in kitchen, opened a can of formula I received in that gift bag thing from hospital, and made him a 4 oz bottle, which Tom later said, he finished.

My baby slept for 4 hours in a row! The most he slept continuously so far in his life had been 3 hours.

I had read that it's a fallacy babies will sleep for longer periods regardless of if they drink breast milk, formula or if someone actually puts cereal in a bottle at such a young age. It's true these different meals will digest differently, but sleep time had been proven not to change.

Now, it makes sense to me that if you are not as hungry, you will sleep longer, but the point of the study showed there was no difference. But I definitely saw a difference, but it was just one time, which a scientific conclusion it does not make. (I'm speaking Yoda.)

What about you? Do you see differences in your baby between feeding breastmilk and formula?

What to Register for.

I just compiled this list for a good friend of mine who is pregnant with her first. I spent so long on it, I thought others could use it. It's all just my opinion of what you should put on a registry, not something I think should be an overall rule

Note: Forgive misspellings and typos. I just don't have it in me to proofread this whole thing!

Using the Baby Registry list from BRU located here: http://www.toysrus.com/shop/index.jsp?categoryId=2964381, the following is my opinion on their list:

car seats
I personally love Graco brand. Watch the super expensive ones, as although nice, some are just huge. Britax are good but they are bigger. Before you pick the one you want, try it out and see how easy it is to adjust how tight it is, etc. I've seen some that are a bitch to tighten and this is something you have to do every time you drive. You want EASE.
~ infant car seat (1)
~ Car seat base (one for each car. I even had one for my mom's car.)
~ car seat positioner (1) http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3247580
~ shopping cart seat (1) http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3237211 or something. I liked using one, not just for germs, but for baby comfort.

Strollers
Just go with a travel system if you can. If not, make sure your car seat is compatible. And the Registry list has a lot of totally unnecessary stuff like stroller diaper bags and special toys. ~shrug~.
~ Travel System (1) - Mine is this one, but different color: http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3224013
~ Umbrella stroller (1) - You won't be using this until baby is 6ish months though. I bought a chep one like this: http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3311025 because I really used the graco travel system's stroller ALL the time. Graco's stroller fit in all my cars and was very easy to use.
~ Jogging Stroller (1) - I bought one, never used it.

Backpacks and carries
~ Framed Carrier (1) - Only if you are hikers or campers. I never got one.
~ Front Carrier (1) - This baby bjorn was my favorite: http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2267522 because it allows you to have both hands free. The hip carries makes you stabilize baby with your arm. Dumb.
~ Sling (1) - Nice to have for fussy baby. I put Karl in it during fussy time when he just wants to be held. But I don't use it when out at all - I use baby bjorn for that. Mine is: http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2663262 There are TONS of slings out there though, so get what you think you'll like if the sling is your thing. I'm not into this "baby wearing" thing, so I just got a quick and easy sling for quick use.

Activity
Most of these things aren't for a newborn and you won't be using them for months and months and months, but why not throw it on a registry and get someone else to pay for it?
~ Stationary Entertainers (1) - and I do suggest one. When it comes to something entertaining your baby, it's priceless.
~ Walkers (1)
~ Gyms & Playsets (2) One for laying on their back like this: (not mine, but these are the best) http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3243095 and one for tummy time, whichmost babies hate, so getting one that helps with it is worth it, in my opinion. This one is like the ones I used for the girls http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2504245 and this is the one I have for Karl, but haven't used it yet, so can't really tell you if it's good or not: http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3374929
~ Infant Positioner (1)
~ Bouncer (1) - Some babies like these, some don't. I have two, one "comfort" one which is this one: http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2861767 which none of my babies liked and one "entertaining" one which is like this one http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2265002 - mine has lights and Karl ~loves~ looking at it. Gives me 10-15 minutes of time here and there.
~ Swing (1) - WORTH IT'S WEIGHT IN GOLD. Holy shit, get a GOOD swing. Get whatever one you like, but make sure it has this one feature: - it swings both front to back and side to side. Sometimes the baby doesn't like a certain way to swing. Karl can be freaking out swinging front to back, but I turn it so it goes side to side and he immediately sleeps. This is the one I have now (I'd of kept the old one, but Ella broke it): http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3090973 I love the seat too, as it's super comfie like a papasan chair. This is where my babies first learn to sleep too. You don't want one like a chair or one that sits up too high or one that has leg holes the baby has to get in. Get a swing the baby can lay in. Believe me, the swing is where it's at.
~ Door Jumper (1) - My girls loved theirs, but not a necessity.

Feeding & Nursing
Bottle warmers - NEVER needed one
Sterlizers - NEVER needed one. Um hello? Dishwasher. Or hand wash in hot water.
~ Lap pads (aka burp cloth)s (6) - I just used cloth diapers though.
~ Bibs (6-8) - You won't need this for months though

Breast Feeding
This is something I would never register for. Just seemed weird to me.
~ Breast Pump (1) - I ~highly~ recommend the Medela Pump In Style. I pumped everyday at work from 12 weeks until 1 year old with both girls and will for this baby too. This electric pump is awesome. Do NOT buy used, get a new one. 1) only hospital grade pumps are for multiple users, even with new parts, milk vapor can still go into pump part and "infects" the next user 2) They do get old and less powerful. Mine died before Allie reached 1, so I needed to buy a new one - you have no idea how long a used one is going to last.
~ Containers/Bags (many) - I freeze my breast milk for future use. I start pumping at only a week old to get a supply in the freezer, I'm big on breastfeeding and only use formula when I have no other choice. I use: http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2967914~ Breast Milk Storage - How is this different from the bags? I don't get it.
~ Breat Pads (many) - My favorite is Johnston & Johnston which I don't think BabiesRUs carry, I get it in the grocery store. They aren't expensive and are shaped with a little divet for your nipple. Very comfortable. I've tried many and like this one.
~ Creams - A small tube of Lanisoh is all you need, as you'll only use it for first few weeks and then later on if you get a cracked/sore nipple. The hospital gives you one when you give birth, so I never needed to buy more.
~ Nursing pillow (1) - The boppy is TOTALLY NECESSARY! I'm using one right now, as baby lays on it and nurses and I'm hands free. Get a slip cover or one that has a removable cover to begin with - makes it easy to clean.
~ Nursing wrap - Bah. Unnecessary. I think it's unfair to make your baby eat underneath a blanket when it can be stifling hot. I nurse in public - anywhere - and I've never showed anything. I'm discreet, sure, but I don't hide. Here is the secret: Wear a tank top under all your shirts. Before you breastfeed, get ready by pulling tank top down underneath your breast and undo your nursing bra. Then lift shirt up as you bring the baby to your breast. Baby will latch on while still under your shirt and then you can lift it up above their face. Voila! Tank top covers your belly and your shirt is over their face and baby gets to eat without having to be under anything.

Bottle Feeding
I start bottle feeding every now and again (with breasmilk) at the very beginning to get baby used to bottle too. If you don't do this, baby may not take a bottle and only want the breast, which screws you because you are stuck ALWAYS having to breastfeed. So if you plan to breastfeed and actually want to get away from baby every now and again, get bottles.
~ Bottles/Nipples (1-3) - Babies are particular to bottles/nipples. I got the fancy expensive ones with Ella and she would NOT take most - settling on some cheap ass gerber ones that I hated because they were ghetto. So just get one of a few brands and only open one at a time. If she likes it, go buy more. But don't invest in anything quite yet.
~ Bottle Drying Rack (1) - It's a nice to have
~ Insulated Tote (1) - But one comes in the diaper bag the hospital gives you
~ Bottle Brush (1)
~ Dishwasher Caddy (1)

Solid Feeding
~ Get some bowls and infant spoons
~ Food Processor (I use my quisinart) to make your own baby food
~ Baby food cookbook "Super Food"
~ Baby food freezer trays (1 set) - http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2721830
~ Snack bowls (2) - http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2404578
~ Placemat (1) - http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2908461
Play yards / travel yardsI put in my suggestions under the "cradle/bassinets" section below.

High chairs
~ high chair (1) - whatever one you want. These get dirty - make sure they are all wipable. You don't want to have to launder anything. Another plus is being on rollers. I have this kind: http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3251254
~ Mats/covers/toys - All unnecessary

Booster seats
~ travel booster seat (1) - VERY nice to have. http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2265745 or http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2861762 The problem with the first is it doesn't work on all tables.

Bath and Potty
~ Bath tub (1) - I have small house and the baby bathtubs were always too bulky. I use this instead: http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2574102 but it pisses me off because it floats and baby isn't in the water as much as I would like. This is what has always worked nicely: http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3332084
~ washcloths (8-12)
~ hooded bath towels (4)
~ robe (1) Cute, but not practical.
~ shampoo/body wash/lotion/etc - Something you'll always need
~ bath toys - whatever you like.
All the other stuff isn't needed until baby is older (like potties) which seems silly to think about now when you won't need it for 2 years.

cradles/bassinets
This is really your choice. I suggest getting a pack-n-play which can be used as a bassinet in another room or for travel. It's quite large, so it's not for plane travel, but packing it in the car to take somewhere is good. You can find portable cribs for air travel (http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=534620&cmSource=Search) but it's not a necessity.
~ Pack-n-play (1)
~ Fitted sheets for pack-n-play (2)

nursery furniture
~ Crib (1) - Don't pay more for the 3-in-1 cribs which turn into toddler beds and the as a frame for a twin bed. They simply aren't good as toddler beds because they are so high from ground and most don't come with a railing for toddler bed. If they do, it's another $150 for the kit, which is stupid.
~ Changing Table (1) - I REALLY liked the changing table. Many dressers come with a changing table as part of the dresser, but it sucks because 1) you can't put anything on the dresser and 2) there are no drawers. Open shelves are the way to go so you can put baskets full of diapers, wipes, baby essentials - and all easy to reach.
~ Glider or Upholstered Rocker (1) - Awesome to have. Late nights spent nursing, you'll be happy you have one.
~ other furnitue stuff - whatever you want to put in your babies room.

Clothing
Personally, I don't register for clothing. I'm very particular in clothing and I don't like babiesRus clothes nor most target clothes (where most registries are) because of the material they use - they use such shitty material, not soft at all. I really like old navy and baby gap and even gymboree. If you do register, be sure you feel the fabric first, don't do this part online. For sizes, I buy all the first stuff in 0-3 months, although it will all be too big for the baby. If you buy newborn size, it will fit better but will only fit for about a month, depending if you have a small baby or not. It's nice to have a handful of things in newborn size, just so you have something that freaking fits. If you can afford it, why not?
~ Homecoming outfit. (1 or 2) - Buy this in newborn size.
~ T-shirts (4-6)
~ Socks (4 to start with) - fyi - rarely do socks stay on. I have found the ~only~ socks to ever fit are old navy newborn socks. So don't buy a lot until you find what actually stays on your baby.
~ wearable blankets (1-2) - I didn't use this with the girls but got some this time and I love them. There is one that is 'swaddle me" which is a wearable blanket AND an extra piece that you can wrap tightly around and velcros. Awesome. (http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2870659)
~ cap & booties - Only buy if it will be cold when the baby is newborn. I never used these with girls, but do use caps w/ karl.
~ onesies (12+) - Your baby will LIVE in these. Get a few in newborn size, but rest can be 0-3 months.
~ footed jammies (6+) - Even if its warm, just get it in light cotton material. All my babies lived in these (at night) too.
~ Gowns (6) - I pretty much swap footed jammies and gowns all the time. Great thing about gowns is it makes late night diaper changes easy. Since it's cold, I pair these with the wearable blankets.** Note - People over wrap their babies. Rule of thumb - dress the baby as you are dressed. If you are warm, the baby will be warm. I see so many babies wrapped in blankets in their carseats while mom is wearing jeans and t-shirt. Poor babies swelter. Plus, overly warm baby increases SIDS risk.
~ Other clothes, just buy what you think is cute. It's super easy to get caught up in buying clothes though. I suggest not buying ahead in other sizes until 1) you see what/how you dress your baby and 2) how your baby fits on the size thing. Not all babies follow the 0-3, 3-6, 6-9, etc sizing scale.

Toys
~ Mobile (1) - Don't just buy the one that matches crib. I had different ones for Ella and Allison - they never looked at it. But this one is the one I got for Karl. Doens't match a damned thing, but he likes it! From about 3 weeks on, he is actually entertained and will hang out and stare. http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2331939
~ Other toys - whatever you like. The crib aquarium http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2265070 is something I bought for all 3 kids. Ella and Allison STILL use it every single night. Literally. Every night for almost 5 years.

Miscellaneous I didn't see on list
~ Wipes warmer - I like this for when the babies are newborn, but then I don't use it again. If you get one, be careful, as you need to keep the pad inside wet, which means wetting it every few days. the instructions say every 2 weeks, but the thing will burn up and dry before then.
~ Crib sheets (4-6) - Get a few cotton and a few knit. The cotton is good in summer and knit good in winter. I like Koala brand.
~ Bedding set (1) - I personally don't like most of the ones at Babies R Us. Instead, I highly recommend the sets from Pottery Barn Kids. The set I got for Karl was: http://www.potterybarnkids.com/products/nb180/index.cfm?pkey=cboys%2Dnursery%2Dbedding%7Cb The sets come with bumper pads (controversial, but I use them), quilt which can't be used, but I hang on quilt rack as decoration and bed skirt. I bought the matching fitted sheet too, but bought the other sheets from BabiesRUs
~ Mattress Pad (2-4) The mattress is plastic, of course, but breathable - so a water proof or resistant is smart as it saves your mattress and won't allow liquid to flow further down the sheets. It keeps it more where it was "spilled". You'd think 2 was enough, but there are nights when the kid is sick and you go through many changes. It's nice to have enough to make it through these times.
~ Sheet Saver (2) - Nice to have so when baby spits up in bed, you don't have to change sheets. http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2403293
~ Diaper Racks - unnecessary to me because I use baskets on the changing table shelves.

"I'm not going to be your friend!"

I just heard Allison say that to Ella. Ella's response? "So what. I've got lots of friends already."

Heh.

The honeymoon is ~over~.

It's been over for about a week now and I'm bummed. Karl is in the classic "freak out starting around 6pm and ending around 11pm" mode. Each of my babies followed this schedule.

I don't know if it's overstimulation or just the process of learning daytime from nighttime. Whatever it is, I know it's normal, which helps me tons and tons. Instead of trying everything I can to get my baby to STOP crying during this time, I know now it's just a normal thing and I just have to try to make him comfortable as I can while he cries. It's not my job to stop the crying, it's my job to just be there while he's crying.

I can't tell you how frustrated I used to get with my other kids. Ella was the worst since I had no clue what was going on. Allison was a bit better, but she had this high pitched scream instead of a cry, so that added to the tension. Karl, on the other hand, just cries like a normal baby - not too loud, not quiet, but a very average cry. So during his crying jags, we just hang out together. Tom takes a turn, I take a turn then the swing takes a turn. I'll admit I have to put him down for 5 minutes here and there for a sanity check, but we'll make it through this. We always do.

Here is Karl, 1 month old.

Wow. These breasts WORK!

Karl's 1 month appointment was eye opening. He gained 1 1/2 lbs in just 2 weeks! He moved from the 30th percentile to the 50th with the weight of 8lbs 12.5 ozs. Go boobies!

And a mad shout out to my wonderful husband who let me go to bed at 10:30am and didn't wake me up at all, taking a feeding (or maybe 2?) on his own. My milk is in quite well right now so I am not worried about my supply right now and told him if he wants, to go ahead and give him a bottle from my frozen supply. I woke up to Tom changing Karl's diaper at 5:30am. Yes. I slept 7 hours straight. HEAVEN.

$456.84

This is what the grocery bill looks like for a family of 5.

Ouch.

Sleep is ~so~ overrated

Karl is sleeping in a normal average pattern for a newly born, breastfed baby. I'm not looking for long stretches of sleep yet, because I know eating a lot is still very important to him due to breast milk digesting quickly. If he sleeps 3 hours at a time, I'm cool with it. I've gotten a few 4 hour stretches, but honestly, I wouldn't want to go longer than that now.

His sleep pattern looks something like this:
9:30p - 12:30a, then up to nurse.
1a - 4a, up to eat
4:30a - 7a, up to eat
7:30a - 9am, eat and then stays awake.

But every 3rd night or so, the 4:30a-7a isn't sleep time. It's "let's stay awake and party!" time. He's content as long as he's getting some kind of attention, but no sleep. Then, around 6:30a/7am, he falls back asleep. Okay, fine.

But the problem is - I have 2 girls who wake up at 7am. So mommy being awake from 4:30a (it was 3:30a this morning) is ~not~ good. I don't know how long I'm going to make it today and napping isn't really much of an option.

I just got the kids out the door 30 minutes ago. Pediatrician appointment in an hour. Grocery shopping is next. I would skip that and come home, but I need to get veggies to make 2 veggie platters for the kid's valentine day parties tomorrow. Oh, and I have to get valentines and get them addressed to the kids in their classes and then supervise while the girls sign their names to all of them.

Awesome.

The bonus is I get to see a Colorado sunrise every few days. Karl and I stand at his window and watch it come up over the trees. Gotta look at the silver linings, eh?

Happy One Month Birthday Karl!

Picture tomorrow, but for right now, happy one month birthday to my baby boy!

One month. Holy shit, eh?!

Purple and Pink.

Ella likes pink. Allison likes purple.

Okay, easy enough. Plenty of things are made in both colors and I try to make the kids happy. But now I see my error. Allison gets Ella's hand me downs. And so much of it is pink. Poor thing. Not only is she totally stuck getting hand me downs all the time, she is reminded of it everyday because it's pink.

I hate hand me downs. I don't really know why, as I never had to have them, but it just sucks to buy Ella a new wardrobe every time she goes up a size and give all of Ella's stuff to Allison. Makes me feel like shit. I always buy Allison a few things in purple so she has her own stuff, but still, it sucks.

The good thing about them being so close together is eventually they will be wearing the same size. They already crossover in shirts and most likely shorts this summer. Soon they will just have one giant wardrobe. It won't last for long though, as I'm sure they will develop their own style and what works for one won't work for the other. But hopefully it won't be that bad.

I also plan on ~always~ having some things that are just theirs, which they do NOT have to share. I do that now with some things, which works out well. They have to share everything, all the time, so having a few items they don't have to share? They love it. Ella's blanket. Allison's pillow. A baby doll. A toy. It's something I am very glad I did, as I can see how special they feel when they ~don't~ have to share something. And each girl has their things, so they don't put up a fight about it at all. Ever. I also have this rule about their beds. Each girls bed is their bed alone. Before the other can go on it, they have to ask the other. It makes their bed their special place. A place of their ~own~ when living in such a small house and forced to share a bedroom.

Those with multiple children - do you have the same such rules? Any advice you would like to share about hand me downs?

I don't get why people are ooked out by breastfeeding

So I can understand people being all anti-public-breastfeeding.

~ I don't agree with it of course, but I can understand it. One, Americans are a bunch of fucking uptight people in general. Just look at other countries commercials and you can see how close minded we are. For fuck's sake, i got slapped with sexual harassment over THIS commercial I watched at work. Yes, a real sexual harassment issue. I got suspended without pay for 2 weeks!

~ Two, some public breast feeders are crude. I've seen women just slap out a big saggy breast at a restaurant. Like full fledged entire breast. I personally have breastfed everywhere. But I'm discreet. I'm ~not~ embarrassed and I do ~not~ cover up with a blanket (I think it's unfair to make your baby swelter underneath a blanket or cover to eat) but I do ~not~ show anything. I always wear a tank top underneath my shirt so when I lift up my shirt, my stomach isn't hanging out. Before I lift up the shirt, I get my breast out over the tank top. So I lift up and tank top covers bottom, while my shirt covers the top. I latch baby on half under shirt, so when I lift i up, the breast is covered by the baby. As soon as baby is done, shirt goes down and that's that.

But why are some women all grossed out by breast feeding? I have seen women decide on formula feeding before even trying because the thought of breast feeding grosses them out.

~ I think this is a personal decision and it's the woman's to make. I am not judging their decision. But I am questioning the hows and whys of the decision to begin with. I wonder if they can't get past the sexual nature of breasts, so that interferes with the idea of breast feeding? Maybe? If so, I can understand that for the same reason some woman would never give a blow job without trying it first.

I just love it so much. Just the idea of allowing my body do something so natural. Feeding my child with my body alone for the first 6 months. And then continuing to give breast milk only (no cow's milk, formula, etc) for the next 6 months after solids are introduced. I love the bonding feeling I have with my child, although I don't think I'm bonding anymore than I would if I was giving a bottle. Maybe it's just the closeness I feel being part of it? I've never bottle fed more than a bottle here and there, so I can't really compare.

I am a bit of a hypocrite though. Because I find breastfeeding an older toddler totally "gross". Again, it's a personal decision per woman and I'm not judging someone else's decision to do so. I just couldn't. Maybe I was traumatized before I had kids because one of tom's relatives was breastfeeding her almost 3 year old and while I was talking to her, he kept saying "boobie, mommy, boobie!" while he kept unbuttoning her shirt. Okay, to me, that's fucking weird. Asking for it by name? Unbuttoning the shirt? I had to move away from talking with her before he commented on how much he liked her bra.

I guess we all have our opinions on all aspects of everything. I guess I just need to accept that without questioning it.

"I'm so tired I can't sleep"

This is a post-note after writing the below. How boring motherhood blogs get, eh? Detailed information of when I'm awake and when the baby sleeps. Good lord. Good thing I'm separating the two blogs eh? I can call this one "theboringlifeofnancy". I would be suprised if anyone read this - even other mommies. I don't blame anyone for skipping these posts!

In the words of the late, great kurt cobain, I'm exhausted. Karl just didn't want to sleep last night. I was actually feeling pretty "good" (as good as I can with a newborn and still fighting pneumonia) and stayed up with a ~sleeping~ baby in my arms from 10p-12a watching a movie. (john wayne gacy is scary.) So I get ready for bed, take karl with me to bed, who was in his moses basket. (I sleep in the nursery for now, putting karl in the bed next to me in his moses basket if he's already sleeping there or just in his crib. He sleeps better in the swing or bouncy seat, but if I don't crib train him now, it'll just be harder later.) We slept until 1am until he stirred enough to eat, which was time for him anywho. And then, by 330a, the kid was just chillin', eyes open, a little cranky but not crying a lot, and momma was tired.

I sent a couch-sleeping husband to bed at 945pm, who was sound asleep by 10p, so I woke him up for an hour's sleep. Karl ate at 1 and snacked during his wake time, I knew he'd want to eat a full meal around 430, so I woke up the non-complaining hubby with instructions to wake me up in an hour if karl was still awake and I'd take the baby back. I just really needed to sleep. I laid down at 3:32am and was sleeping by 3:33am. I woke up at 5:10 to a very tired hubby sitting on the couch with him watching tennis of all things. (I heard hubby turn on the tv, which is a big no-no in training the baby to sleep at night, but I woke up the guy at 3:30 with no complaints, although it was dark, so there could have been some faces made, so I didn't try to correct him right then.)

5:10a-6:30a, he was still freaking awake. No clue how a baby can stay awake so long! At 6:30a, I laid a now sleeping baby in his crib, where he still is an hour later. And lucky me? I couldn't sleep. I knew the girls were waking up soon so maybe that was the reason. My legs ached as I laid there too, making sleep impossible.

I said "screw it" and got up at 7am, letting hubby sleep in today. He gets up everyday with the girls ~if~ I'm sleeping, so it's the least I can do. I can sleep later today. Although I do want to watch the superbowl. Go Arizona! (hey, I'm ~from~ arizona. I have to root for them if my beloved Pats aren't playing.)