A few really hard days.

Karl is sick. Nothing terrible, just a simple stuffed up nose, but a severely stuffed up nose on a 5 week old baby can be major.

What is today? Um. I actually have to look. It's Thursday.

Tuesday afternoon, I noticed a difference in my little man. He was staying awake way longer than normal. Didn't bother me too much, as I had slept the night before, so I wasn't in need of him to nap. Evening came and he stayed awake and fussed. Then nighttime came and no sleep. He'd fall asleep for 5, 10, even 15 minutes and then jolt awake and cry. I couldn't quite tell what was wrong, except he was overly tired and ~something~ was bothering him.

It was in the wee early morning hours of the day when I could hear his breathing pattern. His nose was stuffed up. He couldn't breath. Babies breath through their noses and when this does not work, it majorly fucks up their day. He'd fall asleep and when he got clogged again, he'd get his oxygen cut off and jolt awake as he gasps for a breath. It broke my heart.

He finally fell asleep and stayed asleep past the 15 minute mark at 5:40am. It was the FIRST time I laid my head down to sleep. Ella woke me up at 6:45am. Awesome. 1 hour and 5 minutes of sleep. Time to start the day.

All day yesterday was the same. Karl was ~so~ tired. His eyes were shot. He was fidgety. And he couldn't breath through his nose. I did all the things I should do. Snot sucker. Saline drops. Humidifier. Propped him up. It only works for short periods of time. And although he'd fall asleep each time, within 2 hours, he'd be gasping for breath again. I asked the pediatrician if I could give the poor kid some nose relief with benadryl, but he's a tad too young. Poop.

At 12:30am this morning, being awake for 41 of the past 42 hours, I was able to fall asleep. I slept right next to him (he was in his basket on the bed) so I could get to him and suck out the snot as quickly as possible, change him, feed him and let him pass out again. Wait 2 hours. Repeat.

The last 'episode' was at 530a and he fought sleep a little bit until it encompassed him again a little after 6a. It's been 2 hours now and I'm waiting for that poor little gasp.

I went into so much detail to get to this one little thing though. Around dinner time last night, after hours and hours of sleeplessness and Karl feeling really, really, really crappy. After holding a distinctly different looking baby, a baby who looks miserable, in my arms while he cries and screams and tears roll down my face because I can't help him, he was sitting next to me having a rare quiet moment.

The simple phrase of "peek-a-boo" and a blanket flash over his face produced the most ~beautiful~ thing ever. It spread across his face without warning. Our very first, REAL, honest-to-goodness, smile.