Sunday, October 25, 2009

3rd child = things I would never do with my first.

Poor Karl.

With Ella, my first baby, I was one of "those" mothers - doing everything by the book and even overdoing it.

No sugar. No chocolate. Staying away from all the no-no's like eggs and cheese and hell, anything that you aren't supposed to give them before a year. I carried a diaper bag that was stocked to the hilt. I read the baby books like Baby Wise and spoke Holier-than-thou to others. I thought my child sleeping through the night was due to my super duper parenting. I read reviews of toys before buying them. I refused things like pacifiers.

And now with Karl, all that is out the door.

~ If I am eating something and he seems interested in it, I give it to him (unless dangerous, ie: honey, of course). He's licked my ice cream. I've given him chocolate. I've given him sips of diet coke, coffee, ice tea.

~ I actually tried to get Karl to take a pacifier. And while he did a few times, he was pretty much a non-paci baby.

~ My diaper bag is often my back pocket. I simply stick a diaper in my pocket and go. When I do bring a diaper bag, it contains less than my own handbag.

~ All the baby books are collecting dust on my shelf, trusting in my instincts instead of expert advice. (of course I remember a lot, I'm not saying those books didn't help).

~ When I give advice to other mommies, I keep in mind if it worked for me, it doesn't necessarily mean it'll work for them.

~ Karl sleeping through the night is due to Karl's ability to sleep through the night, not my parenting. (I do, however, think me letting my babies sleep in their crib instead of co-sleeping, sleeping in a bassinet in my room, etc, did help each one turn into great crib sleepers.) It's all due to each baby's personality. For sleep, I did the exact same thing with all three kids and had 3 different sleepers. Ella slept through the night by 11 weeks. I could put her down wide awake and she'd just go to sleep without even a hint of a cry. Allison, while going to sleep quietly was her strong point, she didn't sleep through the night until the day she turned two years old. Karl slept through the night by, um, hell, I don't even know. Maybe 12 weeks? And he's slept through the night since. But when I put him down, I get a few minutes of crying with him before he falls asleep.

~ Toys? He gets the hand me downs from the girls but when I go to the store to buy a toy, I just let him pick what he's interested in. I don't first go online to make sure other people liked it too or how educational it is. (although I still stay away from toys that play themselves, if you know what I mean. I like toys the kids have to play WITH. Not be entertained by.)

Here is some evidence of what I'm talking about. I was trying to get a picture of Karl doing "so big!" so I could get a shot of his cute little shirt (daddy is a sports nut and he loves any sport like clothing). But Karl wouldn't raise both hands because he didn't want to mess with the hand that was holding his cheeto. Yes. I let Karl eat cheetos. Oy vey.


areyoukiddingme said...

He appears to be flourishing - even with Cheetos! He's so cute...

I only have the one kid, and I'm not that worried about stuff. She watches TV, has always eaten whatever we were eating, is a huge fan of YouTube, likes chips, etc. I try to limit the bad stuff (food wise) because I assume she will have the same preference for junk food that I do. She doesn't drink pop though, for which I am thankful. I don't think she's ever had caffeine either. The people who are buying all organic, healthy food make me laugh, because I think they're setting up the junk food as overly attractive. Everything in moderation...

Jenera said...

Cheetos? Is that all you got? My lovely husband seems to think that Sam should be able to eat whatever he wants. His first taste of real food was chocolate frosting and cake. Yup. Even now he eats what we eat. A few weeks ago he ate steak. The WIC lady would probably slap me if I told her.

I learned early on with Aidan that I have do what works for me. Some things were easy when he was a baby and now I'm paying for it with crazy behaviors he has as a toddler.

I will say that I'm becoming more of a stickler on what is in the food they eat but that stems from my own struggles with weight and unhealthy eating.

The Captain's Wife said...

Nancy- love the new header pic!

edenland said...

Oh, your back pocket is your nappy bag. SNAP. I love it.

I bought Rocco the COOLEST Converse T-shirt, totally posting it to Karl when he grows out of it. I know you don't like second hand clothing ... but he's growing so frickin fast it will be near-new I promise. XOX

PS Honey is bad?? Umm, I never knew. Guess I should stop giving him honey sandwiches?? Whoopsies

Robin said...

Cheetos are one of Allison's favorites. I think you have just explained, perfectly I might add, how we just shouldn't sweat the small stuff.

When you only have one, and you have more time, and you think that anything you do wrong might "break" the baby, you do all of those things. But you're wiser now, and so down to earth. I love it.

Lisa said...

He is so cute! And before I forget to mention it, the new picture at the top is adorable!

It looks to me like you're doing a great job regardless of the "rules" you are following. The girls seem to be doing amazing and look no worse for wear. I think when you become a second (or more) time parent, you tend to relax a little. A baby is not new to you and you are not as afraid to break or ruin them. Most first time Moms just need to relax and go with the flow a little more...

Sarah R said...

I think it's a great outlook you have. You are so relaxed now that it's all so natural. I know that I am going to be more relaxed with Baby Girl than I was with Andrew, not that I was a freak or anything. There's just a certain knowing once you've been through it once or more--you know what works for you and what the most efficient ways of doing things are.

That pic is so cute! I love it! I also love your new header for this page--what an awesome pic. <3

nancy said...

I wanted to add to be sure it was known that I KNOW ~I WAS~ a very normal "first time mommy" with all the stuff I was talking about. Just needed to make sure you knew I wasn't dissing anything we, as first time moms do, just how opposite I am with being a 3rd time mommy!

Birdee said...

Cute picture.

I definetely feel the difference between #1 and #2. Tho I've surprised myself on what I do care about with #2, things I thought for sure I wouldnt care about, I find I do. I'm a lot more relaxed in some areas and more obsessive in others.

Mrs. Gamgee said...

Isn't that hte way it always goes? Good for you for recognizing the change in your parenting and embracing it!


JamieD said...

Cheetos are serious business!

I have been more laid back than I thought I would be. If I really fuck something up, I think to myself, "Well, I'm sure his therapist will let me know all about it."

I love your new banner, BTW!

jenn said...

The new header is awesome!

I am also surprised at how laid back about some things I am (and a total control freak about others, haha!) She's had cheese already, and eats those puffs, cauliflower, zucchini- bits of whatever we are having (but always without salt- high bp in my fam & all). But I am freaking out about possibly putting her in daycare (whole 'nother story- not so much to do with daycare as an institution at all!)

Anyway- it's great to hear things like this & know that mommy instincts mean so much- not that the books don't help, but a cheeto here & there will not make or break 'em!

Photogrl said...

LOVE the new header pic...too cute!

So, you do get a little more lax with each kid. It's not just an old wives tale!

Karl is getting so big! :)

mommybird said...

I'm EXACTLY the same way. Everything that Mia did that was so far advanced I accredited to all of my reading and research and everything I was doing right. Now that I have 3 I realize that was pretty much ALL her. You can't force a baby to sleep through the night, or talk, or crawl, etc. They do things at their own time, in their own way almost regardless of what you do.

I commented to you on my blog as well. Nothing special, but in case you don't see it "Nancy, you're AWESOME! I'm so excited for you to go back to school too. Nothing like taking the negative and making it a total positive, you'll be a great nurse."

Anonymous said...

You have beautiful children!! According to all the stuff parents these days are "supposed to" or "not supposed to" do, it is amazing that any of use raised in the 60s,70s and 80s made it through. I am only 32 and remember riding in the back windshield, etc.

I think your instinct and knowing your children goes a long way...although that could be all just conjecture b/c I have NO CHILDREN. LOL!!! So take that with a grain of salt. :)

the mol said...

My first child has cancer so he kinda gets to do whatever he wants in terms of the "rules" yet somehow he is a really good kid who says please and thank you and helps me set the table and empty the dishwasher.

I was more cautious about allergens with him and hope to do the same for our second son...but once our first one hit a year (and had already been in treatment for 2 months) everything was fair game.

Hence the reason why my first son, 2 years old, drinks coffee and loves it. Thanks Daddy.

Kristin said...

You are my kind of mom.

Kate said...

Wow! He looks so much like you in this picture. With his cute little fuzzy head and all (not that you have a fuzzy head)!